They just refuse to cancel this show. Admit defeat, NBC! The four remaining families set off for "the mysterious and mystical Sedona, Arizona." I really don't think Sedona is mysterious or mystical, but the description impresses Tyiler. Reno drives his fake RV and tells us that the families aren't going to Sedona, but to someplace outside it at the Slide Rock State Park. Silvio is very excited about Slide Rock State Park as it'll give him a chance to catch some rays and relax. The Cootes are back on the road after spending a few days in at that resort prize they won. I think I realize why the Cootes get limited screen time even though they win everything: they are unpleasant. All they do is brag about winning King of the Road challenges. Ron Pollard is disappointed that they aren't going to the Grand Canyon today but is determined to win, just like everyone else. Darius thinks his family works well together and credits that to their faith in God. Meanwhile, they've been in the bottom three two out of four times thus far and the only thing they've won is a $200 gift store shopping spree, so, thanks a lot, Jesus.
The DiSalvatores admire the red rocks of the Sedona area that apparently house vortexes, according to the trip booklet. Silvio interviews that he doesn't believe a word about these vortexes. That's it.
The families arrive at Slide Rock State Park. There's a small river to swim in there, and I see that there's a bunch of people who aren't on the show trying to enjoy themselves there. Little do they know that they're about to be on the lamest show on TV alongside Silvio. Speaking of Silvio, as Amie interviews from the dilapidated house backdrop that's supposed to show us how beautiful and pristine this location is, he slips on a rock and falls on his ass in the water. "Silvio got his hair wet?" someone asks with concern. Ha! Silvio says as soon as he touched the water he was "looking perpendicularly to the sky." Silvio likes to use ten dollar words when ten cent ones would do. And he pulled those ten dollar words out of his ass and not a dictionary. Ew, there's a shot of shirtless Silvio. Meanwhile, the Cootes will not be enjoying the water because they don't want to slip on a rock and get hurt. They're really missing out, because that looks like a lot of fun. You sit in the water and slide down a natural waterslide.
Okay, that's done! The DiSalvatores drive to get some gas, and Silvio says this is the first time he's pumped gas in his life. He has to figure out where the gas cap is and then how to work the pump machine. I sympathize with him, I guess. One of the first times in my life that I had to pump my own gas I couldn't figure out how to do it and I panicked and called my mom and made her drive up to the gas station and help me. But I was 16. Amy interviews that they need to make it as far as possible on this trip so that Silvio will learn how to do things around the house. To reward Silvio for pumping gas, Amy presents him with a "King of the Road" tiara that she bought in the gas station. "Baby, baby! Look at me!" Silvio says, putting it on immediately. How did Silvio and family become the only bright spot on this show? Everyone else is boring and/or invisible.
It's time for the King of the Road challenge! Amie Pollard isn't looking forward to this at all, saying she feels tired and drained. The Cootes, of course, are obsessed with getting a fourth King of the Road crown. King of the Road crowns = boring. King of the Road tiaras = win. Amy wants to win the challenge and watch the Cootes lose for a change.
"Mysterious" and "mystical" music plays us into the challenge. Reno and his shit-eating halfwit grin greets the families as they arrive. In front of him is a circular spinning platform with seatbelts on it, and Amie knows right away what this challenge will involve. Reno talks about the vortex again, and it's still ridiculous. Even Reno knows it, and he's ridiculous himself so the vortex must be very ridiculous. The spinning platform is this show's version of a vortex, and the challenge is to spin it as many times as possible in eight minutes. Reno demonstrates this by lying on the vortex and having the kids spin him two times and two times only. He tells everyone to watch out, because he ate "an enormous burrito" for lunch. Of course he did. Reno hasn't eaten a non-enormous meal in years. After spinning the victim, he must get off the platform and stagger over to a gong and hit it. Wait -- so does only one person in the family lie down for the entire eight minutes or do they switch off or what? Why is there a gong? This has not been explained well at all. The winners get a helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon. "How many people can say they did that?" Darius wonders. How about everyone who's been to the Grand Canyon and paid for a helicopter tour? It's cool but it's not that special.
The DiSalvatores go first. Blake interviews that it's very important to his family to win this and not the Cootes, because they have "like four crowns." No, Blake -- it's three. Haven't you been listening? All they talk about is how they want to win a fourth crown. Silvio lies on the vortex and they spin him a couple times before he wants to get off. It looks like every time they switch a family member on the wheel, the person on the wheel has to get off and bang the gong and then someone else can get strapped in and be spun. This is a terrible challenge. Why would Silvio get on the wheel at all if he wasn't going to stay on it as long as possible? Meanwhile, Amy keeps yelling at her family to stop trying to spin the wheel and let it spin on its own. And this is why the DiSalvatores always lose.
The Montgomerys go next. Darius lies on the wheel with the intention of staying on it the entire time and using his military experience to keep himself from quitting. Alecia tries to explain why it was okay for her team to put their heaviest member on the vortex. It involves gravity somehow.
Here go the Cootes! Cassidy lies on the wheel and says it's fun. I'm sure they found a way to cheat in there somewhere, but I don't see it.
And finally, the Pollards. Anslie is ready to kick some Coote ass. Aaron is lying on the vortex while Ron gets very tired with all the vortex-pushing. But when they have a minute left, they push themselves to win. At the end of eight minutes, they're tired but proud.
The families gather together to find out who won. Of course, a Coote child says she wasn't too nervous because they've won so many challenges before. Reno announces the bottom three: the DiSalvatores (210 spins), the Montgomerys (259 spins), and the Pollards (307 spins). Aw, crap. The freaking Cootes win again. They're happy and the rest of the families can't even bring themselves to cheer for them. Amie is really disappointed to be in the bottom three. Darius can't believe that Jesus would let him down like this. The DiSalvatores are used to it and take it in disappointed stride. Blake seems more upset that the Cootes won than that his family lost. Mason says that it doesn't matter who wins the rewards -- it matter who wins at the end. True, but Mason -- your family sucks at challenges. Don't hope too hard for the $100,000. Reno adds that there's a prize for all the families -- an overnight stay at the luxurious Red Roof Inn!!!! That used to be a prize for a winning family, and now they're just giving it away. Wasn't that the only prize that a non-Coote family won? Way to crap all over it, show.
The Cootes pile into their RV and celebrate loudly and obnoxiously. All four of them now have a crown each, and they wear them in an interview. Over in the Pollard RV, the mood is quite different. Also, there's a crew member walking through the shot. Nice one, crew member. They're upset to lose, especially to the Cootes who they come in second to almost every time. The DiSalvatores decide to talk shit about the Cootes to blow off some steam. Amy says Keith Coote has the personality of both a flea and a rock. And then the teams arrive at the Red Roof Inn and talk abou