Hey, so, the family season of The Amazing Race just didn't suck enough for NBC, so they've made a series of their own just like it called Great American Road Trip. Let's see how she flies. We've got our host, who is so not Phil Keoghan. He takes us on a tour of stock footage shots of various American landmarks and buffalos while standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Seven families are set to embark on "the trip of a lifetime" packed in RVs that at least one family wedges underneath a gas station ceiling like a dumbass and another family parks on the wrong side of the gas tank and the hose won't quite reach. I will not call that guy a dumbass because I've totally done that before. Our host, whose voice sounds just like Jimmy Kimmel so way to find a way to rip off both a CBS and an ABC show there, NBC, says our families will have fun and bond and discover "the mystery and wonder that is America" before showing us yet another shot of buffalos. There is more to America than buffalos, I'm pretty sure.
Oh, and the theme song is a country ditty, so this does not bode well for my enjoyment of the series at all. We begin the road trip in Wrigley Field in Chicago, and our host's name is Reno Collier. More like "Re-NO" amiright? It's time to meet the families! First up are the Pollards from Alabama, who are all holding rifles in their intro shot. Even the young daughter, although hers is bright pink so it's probably not a real one. Real or not, these people are terrifying. They have chickens. The son tries to say they aren't all that redneck, but they are. "I wanna see big cities," he says. Next up are the Ricos. Wife Erica says her husband Ricardo is just like Clark Griswold from the National Lampoon Vacation films, which is not a ringing endorsement, really. And that's all we get to know about them. Then we go to the DiSalvatores, who come running onto the field shouting and carrying on. Well, the mom and dad do. The kids are hopefully normal and embarrassed by this. Good lord, Father DiSalvatore is named Silvio and he claims he's happy as long as he has a hairdryer, electricity, a mirror and his hairbrush, which he does in his totally '80s bathroom. And for all that love of hairstyling, Silvio's hair looks HORRIBLE. Like he made a wig out of a broom, or a bale of hay.
Here come the Favereys! Dad Lenny is using this show as an opportunity to give his family an awesome vacation for free in this tough economy. The Favereys seem normal and cool, so we see very little of them. Time for the Montgomerys! Father Darius says his family is competitive in everything they do. Then they show him missing a basket. Ouch. He's hoping that this road trip will give them some time together after the Marines took him away from the family for a year and a half. Next up is the Coote family, who are all sitting on a chopper (as in motorcycle, not helicopter) in their intro. Mom Jennifer says son Jake likes to show off when he's in front of people. Behind her, Jake nods proudly. He'll either be annoying as hell or awesome. Jake says people see his family as "funny, weird ... " "Competitive!" Dad Keith butts in. "Annoying," Jake finishes. Okay, he's awesome. Finally, we've got the Katzenbergs. They're from Westport, CT and they're all wearing blazers in their intro, so guess who's rich? Mom Hyleri says they're outgoing and excited to meet the other families and no doubt drop hints about their status.