Previously on The Great American Road Trip: NOTHING. It's the most boring reality show ever with the worst prizes and the lamest, puffiest host. The Faverey family opens this week's installment with Dee saying she was relieved not to be eliminated last week and hopeful they won't be eliminated this week. Duh, Dee. The Pollards read that they'll be heading for THRILLING Kansas, and Silvio actually makes a legitimate funny when he says he'd like to avoid Kansas because "they got flying houses that land on people." Reno's in his pick-up truck that we're supposed to believe is an RV and tells us that Laura Ingalls is from Independence, Kansas, where the families are headed. This show is such a fourth-grade field trip. Doesn't the Oregon Trail start there, too? I am all about the Oregon Trail. The videogame, that is. Shootin' buffalo, fordin' rivers, gettin' cholera -- that is a great time. Someone should make a reality show about that. Call me, Mark Burnett!

Someone thought it would be a good idea to have Anslie Pollard read the directions again, even though she failed at that task just last week. Although that might have been Dad's fault. We still don't really know. Either way, those two are a bad combination. Amy DiSalvatore, meanwhile, reads the directions way too loudly. Shut up, Amy. No, it gets worse. Now she's singing "Home On The Range." The Ricos sing, too, as instructed by the tour book. The Cootes make a rare appearance just to refuse to sing. Meanwhile, Amie Pollard has totally confused Little House on the Prairie with The Waltons. Anslie can barely read directions and even she knows that's wrong. Dad Ron weighs in in a rare moment of paying attention to anyone in his family to agree with Anslie. Amie can't admit that she's wrong, so she just says that The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie were alike enough. WRONG. One show had a mime raping Sylvia, and the other one didn't. That's a big fucking difference.

The RVs enter Kansas, and both the Cootes and the DiSalvatores can't get over the fact that there are tornadoes in Kansas. Silvio is obsessed with staring at houses and trying to guess which one has been hit by a tornado. He's supposed to be driving, so this makes Amy anxious. And when she's anxious, she's even louder than usual. The Ricos can't stop reading all about Laura Ingalls in their tour book, and Mom points out that Laura started working at the age of 15 to help her family. "What have you done, Danny?" she asks her daughter. Danny: "...[closes eyes, micro-naps, opens eyes] ... uh ... " I think she's stoned. Over in the Faverey RV, no one is impressing me with any intelligence, as usual. Ashley asks if the Ingalls family are still alive. Dee explains that they lived in the 1800s. "They died?" Ashley still asks.