It's the Medicine CrÃ¼e's first 48 hours on the job and boy, is it a doozy. We meet all the cast we'll eventually come to know and love. There's Meredith Grey, who banged her boss's boss while hammered the night before her first day at work; George O'Malley, who has been in love with Meredith since the second he met her and therefore acts like a stuttering tool with a heart of gold for much of the episode (a shade of things to come, perhaps?); Izzie Stevens, the model with a penchant for caring too much for her patients; Cristina Yang, the cold and calculating bitch whom we all secretly adore and who manages to come up with the best lines of the episode; Dr. Preston Burke, a brilliant and arrogant surgeon who likes to torture his first-years; Alex Karev, a smarmy but not-entirely-unattractive asshole who can't possibly be this big of a dick; and, finally, Dr. Derek Shepherd, a.k.a. "Dr. McDreamy," the aforementioned drunken victim of Meredith's wily tequila-fueled charms. Oh, and how could I forget the best character of the bunch: Dr. Miranda Bailey, a curmudgeonly, snotty, bossy, hilarious piece of work who manages to make us laugh even while we're jotting down all her best insults.
And so it begins, people. And so it begins.
Welcome to the Summer Edition of Grey's Anatomy, where the interns are hot and the surgery's hotter. Grab your scalpels and low self-esteem and let's begin, shall we?
We start with an all-too-familiar device: The Meredith "Ms. Moanypants" Grey Voice-over. In this, her very first VO, Meredith is talking about "The Game" and how you either have what it takes to play or you don't. As the opening shot blends from a pair of naked female legs to surgeons performing a surgery, one can only assume that "The Game" refers to surgery and not hot naked sex. Or maybe it refers to both. Maybe it's one of those tricky voice-overs that actually means two things at the same time. I hope not. Because that would mean I'd have to think more and if I have to think more, I have to drink more, and I only have enough vodka for one episode.
Mere goes on to say that her mother was one of the best at The Game but Mere herself? Well, she's kinda screwed. And she means that literally instead of figuratively, seeing as the next shot we see is of a bleary-eyed Meredith waking up naked on a sofa. She reaches down and removes a blanket from the naked back of a man and HEY THERE, WAIT A MINUTE. Is that Patrick Dempsey's naked ass I just glimpsed? Well, color me happy that I had the foresight to purchase season one of this show on DVD for reasons other than recapping! Hm. Pause. Rewind. Replay. Pause.
Ahem. Excuse me. Moving on.
So Mere grabs the blanket or shawl or whatever and wraps it around herself and then chucks a pillow down to cover the terrifying nakedness of Patrick Dempsey's ass. The cushion jolts him awake, and it's clear that the love they were making the night before was primarily fueled by grain alcohol because he looks like three bushels of shit in a Radio Flyer wagon. Patrick Dempsey and his naked ass of nakedness slowly get up as Mere creeps past, moaning about how this entire situation is embarrassing on so many levels. He wants her to join him back down on the ground and finish what they started, but Mere only likes having sex when she's hammered, so that scenario is out of the question. She tells him he has to go and he ignores her and says, "So...you live here?" No, Hotpants O'Stupid. She's house-sitting, and the owners are going to be home any second so put your damn boxer briefs on and get the fuck out!
Mere hems and haws about the house, although I don't really know why, and finally reveals that she just moved to town two weeks ago, and the house is her mother's, and she's going to sell it. Patrick Dempsey finally puts his pants on and apologizes to Mere for her having to sell the house. Mere's all, what're you sorry for? Patrick Dempsey thinks Mere's mother is dead, and Mere's all, no! Not dead! Just...living in her own private Idaho in a home somewhere. Then Mere requests that they not do the "thing." He's like, the "thing?" She's like, you know, the thing where we talk to each other and tell our stories? We had sex that I barely remember, okay? Could you just... put your shirt on OUTSIDE THE HOUSE and call it a day?