Alex's patient is a nervous little man with a mouthful of a name -- "Mauer Paskowitz" -- who has been diagnosed with a bezoar, which Alex explains is clump of foreign matter that couldn't be expelled with a prokinetic agent (laxative). The man's wife, sitting behind them knitting furiously, is like, "So what, you just go up his butt and grab it?" Nice. Alex asks Mauer to tell him what he's been eating. Mauer: "Garbage. Absolute garbage." Alex asks him to be a little more specific, but he won't. Mauer's wife, also known as Lauren Tom, is hilarious in this role. Still knitting, she dryly commands her husband, "Tell him what you ate, Maauuer." Then, to Alex: "He's a writer. Suffering for his art." Alex is very confused, until Lauren Tom finally tells him that Mauer ate his own novel. Mauer: "I ate my novel, okay? The whole damn thing. Every last piece of that unmitigated crap." Alex doesn't know what to say, so we go to the credits.
Addison tells George to find out if Bex has been taking birth control pills, because her estrogen and progesterone levels are way high. Innocent little George cannot believe that a girl Bex's age would even THINK of having the sex! Addison tells him it's not that unusual in this day and age, and he goes to talk to her.
Webber approaches McDreamy for a favor. No, seriously, that's it. That's the whole scene. Okay, fine: Webber approaches McDreamy for a favor, and McDreamy looks really hot saying yes.
Bex has removed her ski cap, and tells George that her parents went to get something to eat. George says that's good, because he wanted to talk to her awkwardly. "Your lab work...showed...have you been taking birth control pills?" Bex looks shocked that he knows, and begs George not to tell her parents. George says he won't, he just needs to know why. Bex admits it's because she wants to get boobs, and not because she's having sex. She says she took like five pills a day, and nothing's different! George, master of the obvious, is like, "So you wanted to make your breasts grow." Bex says she just wanted to be normal for once in her life. George assures her that this didn't cause her tumor, but the amount she was taking was very dangerous, and caused a major hormonal imbalance. No wonder she seems so depressed. George asks if she's been feeling different, but Bex says she feels like she always feels, which is obviously pretty damn bad. George notices her cutting scars again, and looks concerned.
Whoop! Meredith meets McDreamy in the elevator. They exchange hellos, and McDreamy gives her the bedroom eyes. Mere tries not to notice this, and announces, "I have a dog." McDreamy hotly echoes back, "You have a dog." McDreamy says he loves dogs. Mere says her point is, she has a dog, and she's moved on, so don't give her that look. That's fine, she doesn't need the look; he can give me that look. Mere says she's over him. McDreamy responds in kind. Mere: "You're over me?" McDreamy: "No." Oh, you two. Mere says, well, that's too bad, because she's over him. McDreamy: "I'm over you too." Heh. Mere tells him to shut up, and they're all grinny and lovey when the elevator door opens to reveal...Addison. Oopsie. Mere makes a quick exit, and McDreamy wipes that grin off his face. Addison gets into the elevator looking like she ate a bee. McDreamy tells her that there is a land called "Passive-Aggressiva," and she is their queen. Addison denies this. McDreamy: "Except when you're shrieking about trout." Addison says she was shrieking about the trailer. She hates the trailer. Which is totally Meredith. Meredith is the trailer, you guys. McDreamy knows that the past two weeks have not been about the trailer, but about the fact that he said he loves Meredith. Addison, queen of Passive-Aggressiva and also Denial, says, "Loved. You said you loved her, past-tense. So, I've been shrieking about the trailer." Uh huh.
Alex tells Mauer that it's time to return his "book" to the "library." Mauer wants to know why he's sweating like Nixon. "That guy could sweat. And I, Mauer Paskowitz, wrote an epically crap novel, but I sure as shinola can sweat like Nixon." I think I love Mauer. Mauer's wife, whom we shall call Lauren, says the book wasn't that bad -- she read every draft. Mauer: "Forgive me, honey, but you aren't exactly Lionel Trilling." Lauren explains to Alex that Mauer seeks the approval of dead literary critics, forgetting that the dead don't read. Alex asks Mauer if he's thought of being something other than a writer. Mauer says that, sadly, he has no Plan B. Lauren is mad that he pissed and moaned for three years working on this book, putting off marriage and everything else, and then ate it. Mauer: "I wanted to, literally, put it behind me." Hee. Mauer is loaded onto a gurney for surgery.
As Bailey is getting ready to fly to Twin Falls, Idaho to retrieve Danny's new heart, Cristina sneaks around the corner and begs to go with her. Bailey tells Cristina to go home, and enjoy her day. Cristina says she'll enjoy her day even more if she can help retrieve a heart. She helps Bailey with her coat, and butters her up a little bit: "That's a nice coat." Bailey rolls her eyes, but relents.
Bex's ultrasound. George notes that it looks like the tumor is compressing an ovary. Addison biopsies both, just in case. Bex asks if that's bad, but awesome bedside manner Addison says it's just a precaution, and they'll have the results as soon as possible. When Addison leaves, Bex catches George eyeing her scars. She's all, "You're a doctor. Haven't you seen scars before?" George says he's just trying to figure out why someone with so much talent would want to do that to themselves. Bex says it's just a comic book. It's about her and her best friend, Jen, when they were kids. George asks if Jen writes it with her. Bex says Jen has a boyfriend, just like everyone else. "I get to be a freak all by myself." Aw, Bex. George tells Bex that it's not easy being a freak in high school, and he wasn't always a doctor. "In high school, I was secretary and treasurer of the Dungeons and Dragons Club. I was also a Mathlete." Haaaaa! Even freaky Bex is like, "Man." George tells Bex, as I burst into tears, that she just has to get through high school, because high school sucks for anyone who's even the least bit different. "But then there's college, and out in the real world? You will find where you fit in." Bex smiles for the first time. Tears!
Izzie goes to check on cute Danny, who wants to ask Izzie something personal. Izzie: "Can I say 'no'?" Danny says if she does, he'll hold his breath, causing him to die, and she'll go to prison for murder and spend a lifetime being loved by a big old girl named Hildy. Izzie says she'll take her chances with Hildy -- she can do girl-on-girl. Excellent! Danny asks anyway: "That guy Alex. You with him?" Izzie says no, not ever again. Danny says good, that means he won't have to fight him for her. Izzie: "What makes you think I want you to fight him for me?" Danny says hello, she's in love with him: he's well-off, but not into money; he's smart, but not a know-it-all; he's funny, loves animals, and he's hot. "I'm a catch, if you can wrap yourself around the enlarged failing heart." Heh. Izzie sighs dreamily and says, "You're right. I am sooooo in love with you. It's a shame, really, since I'm with Hildy and all." They both laugh. Very cute.
Mere's at home, surrounded by folded clothes. She is all pleased with herself for having "literally washed the past out of her life." What is with these tiny, one-line scenes? Hey, I'm not complaining: less typing, more drinking.
Addison pages George to look at Bex's biopsy results. Uh oh. Bex's ovary is not, in fact, an ovary -- it's a testis. Looks like Bex is a hermaphrodite, or as I learned in the forums, the more correct term "intersex." Addie tells George to arrange a meeting with Bex's parents, and page the on-call psychiatrist. Also, I have just noticed that I've subconsciously