Bailey has been cleared to operate again, but she refuses to come out of her lab or talk to anyone and it's finally revealed that she just keeps doing the MRSA test on herself over and over again. Now that she's had treatment, the results all come back negative but she keeps testing anyway. Everyone comes by and tries talking to (or yelling at) her through the window but she refuses to speak a word to or acknowledge anybody. Mere thinks Richard needs to talk to her, but Richard tells her that he's definitely not the one to do so since he hurt her so badly, and he's not sure their relationship will ever be the same. However, he knows her well enough that he calls the one person she does need: Ben. He flies to Seattle immediately and she falls into his arms, sobbing about how she killed the patients and now, even though she's clear, she can't stop feeling dirty.
Richard and Mere would have loved Bailey's help for their patient -- a magician's assistant who was accidentally actually cut in half with a chainsaw during a trick gone wrong. The magician is the woman's husband, and he and the second assistant spend all of their time screaming at each other about the accident. Miraculously, the docs manage to keep her alive and patch her somewhat back together, as it's revealed that the woman and the other assistant had fallen in love while her marriage with Mr. Magic fell apart. Smash has been helping out and he's desperate to try and figure out how the trick was supposed to work but the magician tells him he doesn't want to know because then it will never be the same, and we all learn some sort of lesson. Mainly, don't attempt magic tricks with actual chainsaws.
Derek and Heather are doing brain surgery on a cute little girl who has a nightmare little brother who keeps acting out when his sister gets attention. Eventually, Derek manages to get the kid to calm down by telling him he put magic in his sister's head so I think now he's spooked enough to behave? Derek then goes home and puts on a tiara for a princess tea with Mere and Zola, and it's about as ridiculously cute a thing as you can imagine. They muse about what Fetus will be like once he's born, and everyone is happy and well-adjusted, so surely something horrible is going to happen soon.
Everyone else is involved in some sort of relationship drama. April's patient is a dumb girl who was drinking herself into a stupor on her 21st birthday when she then drank something that had liquid nitrogen in it which basically made her stomach explode. April manages to come up with some crazy cool surgery to fix the girl and since Bailey is out and the others are sewing up the magician's assistant, Jackson winds up assisting her in the procedure. She apologizes to him for blaming all of her life's problems on him, and then he is impressed when she yells at the girl's dumb drunk friends to try and make them better people. They finally have a moment where they seem like actual friends again, but just as quickly things go back to being stilted. Jackson then goes to Joe's for a drink where he sees poor Stephanie -- he forgot he had a date with her, and it's not the first time. She flips out on him since she's fallen for him (and she hates it) but he sweeps her up in a kiss of reassurance. Surely this is all going to fall to pieces soon.
Arizona goes to get herself some coffee and has a meet-cute with a tall, sexy woman named Lauren (coincidence?) who later turns out to be a specialist who was brought in to work on one of Arizona's cases. Lauren flirts like crazy with Arizona who, I hate to say, seems to quite like it. Arizona finally tells her that she's happily married but Lauren already knew that as she did her homework before she got to Seattle. Which means she also doesn't really care and she leaves Arizona with a look that says that this is only beginning.
Alex spends his day trying desperately to avoid Princess while of course running into her repeatedly. She finally seeks him out to ask him if they can get past this and talk, which is weird, since she's the one who ordered him to never speak to her again in the first place. Regardless, it dissolves into another fight anyway and she storms off. Alex and Jackson later see her having a huge screaming fight with Jason but Alex is over it and they take off. That night when Alex gets home Princess is sitting on his front porch and asks if she can stay -- when she turns to him, it looks like Jason did more than get verbally abusive during their fight.
Do you remember when Cristina said that it could take up to eight days for Paul to wake up? Ethan sure does, so he sleeps in his dad's room that night so that he won't miss it. Unfortunately, Paul doesn’t wake up despite Cristina doing crazy worldwide research to try and come up with some new solution to bring him out of his coma. Ethan's grandma is exhausted and takes the boy to her hotel for a few hours to get some rest, despite his protests. A while later Arizona gets an emergency page and Ethan is rushed in, unconscious, having gotten into his grandma's sleeping pills. Arizona wisely keeps Owen away while she treats the boy, since he's gotten way too close; fortunately she is able to save him. She also calls Social Services, per hospital policy, and they visit but decide that it was special circumstances and they won't take Ethan away. Unfortunately, Grandma tells Owen that she thinks they should because it really looks like Paul is never waking up and she's not capable of actually caring for a 10-year-old. While curled up together later that evening Cristina reminds Owen sadly that he still wants kids, and while Owen assures her that he wants HER, (and at least in that moment truly means it) it looks like they are still heading for some major problems ahead when poor Ethan needs an actual parent.
The season is almost over, so this week we start out with action right away -- action in the form of an unconscious woman brought in with bloody bandages all over her midsection. With her are a man with a hideous moustache and soul patch wearing a tux with a sparkly red vest, and a woman in a vaguely matching sparkly red minidress who are screaming at each other. He's a magician named Danny (I like to think it's a nod to the illustrious Danny Gans, though Danny Gans would never have that hideous facial hair) and both the woman in the dress and the one on the stretcher were his two assistants. The poor one on the stretcher, Kayla, also happens to be his wife. The sparkly red-dressed assistant, Elise, screams at the man that they weren't ready as the doctors pull back the bandages and blood starts to spurt all over everyone. Finally, the doctors learn that they were performing the "cut the woman in half" magic trick at a trade show only this time... he accidentally ACTUALLY cut the woman in half. Meredith hollers out for someone to call Bailey. She also VOs that while surgeons know a whole lot about the human body, there are only so many tricks they have to put it back together.
Someone puts a nicely branded (but sleeve-free) cup of coffee on the counter with "Lauren" written across it. Shout out to the world's coolest recapper, obviously. Arizona picks up the cup and starts pouring an ungodly amount of sugar into the cup as a tall, gorgeous woman behind her says that she's Lauren. COINCIDENCE? I think not. Arizona is super apologetic but Lauren just laughs it off and takes the cup with Arizona's name on it, then begins saucily drinking the coffee. Arizona realizes that this is a totally cinematic meet-cute because she gets all nervous and embarrassed, and Lauren walks away flirtily telling Arizona that she hopes they'll see each other again. Oh, show. Seriously? After everything you put us through with Callie and Arizona this season this is what you came up with?
Callie walks up as they rush Kayla inside; she's got some ortho-esque problems but Callie isn't needed yet since they first have to, oh, patch Kayla's internal organs back together. Danny and Elise are still arguing and seem to genuinely hate each other, which I feel isn't really a good thing when you have to work together with chainsaws. Apparently Elise was screaming their safe word, "Titanic," but he couldn't hear her over the sound of the saw -- a technical detail I feel they will want to revisit in the future. Derek runs up and grabs Heather to work on his case and she pouts because she wanted in on the gruesome chainsaw action. Then Richard runs up and tells Mere and Callie that he's still taking Bailey's patients. Callie is surprised and details for us that Bailey was cleared of the infection and given the okay to go back to work but obviously it looks like she's not ready. Once Mere, Richard and Smash get Kayla into the elevator and can't be overheard, Mere asks Richard incredulously how she is even still alive. No one can figure that out.