Grey's Anatomy
I Am A Tree

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I Am A Tree
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open with a quick shot of Seattle, then go straight to the hospital, and into the elevator -- where McDreamy feels like re-enacting this hair-sniffing scene from last season. It is simultaneously hot and disgusting. Shut up, McDreamy. Or, you know, don't. DAMN with the hotness. Mere is, as ever, voice-overing through all this: "On any given moment, the brain has 14 million neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour. We don't have control over most of them. When we get a chill: goosebumps. When we get excited: adrenaline." Mere exits the elevator with a very happy look on her face. More VO: "The body naturally follows its impulses, which I think is part of what makes it so hard for us to control ours." Cut to Izzie, who has filled every available surface of Meredith's kitchen with freshly baked muffins. The oven dings, and she pulls out yet another batch. Oh, Izzie. She surveys the muffinly bounty and says to herself, "That's enough muffins. We don't need all these. No more muffins." And then she grabs a mixing bowl and starts cracking eggs for...more muffins. Meanwhile, Cristina pays Burke a visit in his hospital room, and as she naughtily draws the blinds, MereVO tells us, "Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control..." Cristina does a funny little strip routine, getting down to a matching red lace panty/bra set, and as she straddles Burke, he says, "What are you doing?" Uh, seriously? Cristina: "Just because you can't touch doesn't mean you can't enjoy." Just as she's getting to the good stuff, the door opens, revealing a nice-looking couple Burke addresses as "Mama! Daddy!" Oops. Burke's mother, played by none other than the fabulous Diahann Carroll, looks alarmed, and says in a sickly-sweet Southern drawl, "Preston? Is this a new service the hospital is providing?" Heeeee. Cristina scrambles to get her naked self under the covers. MereVO finishes up: "...that we later wish we had." Indeed.

Outside and re-dressed, Cristina gets into Hot Man Nurse's face about how she told him to guard the door. He says he had a code; Cristina says she had parents walk in. Hot Man Nurse says they saved the guy's life. Cristina: "Whatever. I want my twenty bucks back." HMN says he's sorry; he bought everyone coffee -- to celebrate saving the guy's life. Cristina still wants her twenty bucks back, but the nurse is gone. Meredith pops up in his place, telling Cristina it's not Tyler's fault she's a dirty, dirty stripper. Heh. Cristina's all, "You're one to talk, sleeping with two men?" Mere says she's not sleeping with either one of them -- not until she picks one. Dude! She's so ridiculous. She goes on to say that if she hasn't reached a decision by the end of the day, she's flipping a coin. Gah. Cristina: "Oh, and somehow I'm the dirty stripper." Exactly. Bailey storms over, with her Nazi boots firmly tied on, and snarks, "You two have time to round, or are you too busy getting naked on hospital property?" Snap.

Webber is in his office folding up a...blanket? Ooh, he slept at the hospital. Richard's in the doghouse! Addison suddenly appears at his door, looking like she just shot the cover of Homeless Bazaar. Her clothes are all baggy and gross, and she's wearing some sort of nutso fishing hat. Richard: "You got a coffee stain on your shirt." Addie: "You got a bed on your couch." Hee. They're both so pitiful. Webber tells her she can't see patients looking like she does, and she requests the day off. "For what?" Webber would like to know. Addie: "For drinking." She says she's feeling the need to do some crying, actually, but her tear ducts are too proud, so she's going to be doing some drinking. Richard asks if she has any patients today, and Addie says she thinks God knows that she needs to get really drunk today, so no. She asks him why he's sleeping in his office. Webber: "Marriage...is hard." Addie buries her face in her hands and says, "Thank goodness. Mine seems to be just about over." Aw. You guys, she's crying! Webber puts a hand on her shoulder, an obvious sign that she is free to get shitfaced all day long.

Cut to our first patient, a middle-aged woman in a hospital bed surrounded by several delicious-looking cakes. They're really into the baked-good food porn this episode. I hope Evany is watching. Bailey and the interns walk in, and Bailey tells the woman she's not supposed to be eating. "Mrs. Seabury" insists she just cannot stop, because these cakes are the most wooooonderful things she's ever tasted in her liiiiiife. She is really out of control with the cakes. She's having a cakegasm. She also might be hopped up on every goofball Seattle Grace has to offer, because when Bailey reminds her that she has a very aggressive form of lung cancer and would do well to get into surgery as soon as possible, Mrs. Seabury just starts to giggle. "It's all very aggressive, heee! I have never smoked a cigarette in my life! I have never smoked pot, hahahaaa! I've never drank! I haven't had a dessert in ten years, before today! I'm the picture of health, and I have lung cancer, hoooo!" Mrs. Seabury apologizes for her behavior, and thinks she might be on a sugar high. Might? Everyone looks very concerned for poor Mrs. Seabury, and it's decided that they'll reschedule her surgery, and possibly get her a psych consult.

The interns all follow Bailey to wherever they're going next, and George says, "So um...um, Dr. Bailey?" Bailey, who must have memorized the FAQ in her spare time, responds, "Surgeons don't say 'um,' Dr. O'Malley. If you're going to be a surgeon, learn to speak like one." Yeah, and quit signing your posts, you little son of a bitch! George hesitates so long that Alex finally speaks up and tells Bailey, "He wants you to talk to the Chief about Izzie; see if she can come back." George informs Bailey that Izzie's been doing a lot of baking, and it seems a waste for all her talent and medical skills to go into muffins. Bailey stops and turns slowly around to face them. "Stop. Talking." She turns back around and keeps walking. Yes, that went very well.

McDreamy bounds into the hospital room just as they're getting to the next patient, and greets "Benjamin" (the patient) and "Ruth" (his sister) a good morning. Benjamin says it's not a very good morning to him -- he has to have brain surgery. McDreamy turns to Meredith to give her some quick bedroom eyes, as Benjamin continues. "Brain surgery. It's pretty scary. Plus my sister's nervous, and when she gets nervous she sweats." Hee. Same here, but much more of it. He asks his sister if he was rude, and she nods slightly and tells him to let the doctors talk. The doctors explain that Benjamin is in for a brain tumor that's pressing on his temporal lobe, and is clearly messing with his impulse control. Benjamin clarifies: "It makes me say everything I think. It's very annoying." Aw. He looks at Cristina and says she looks annoyed anyway, unless she always has a pinched, uptight look on her face. Ruth tells them that Benjamin can't perceive sarcasm or irony, so you have to actually tell him that he's being annoying or inappropriate. Cristina's like, "Okay, you're annoying me," which gets her a shove from Bailey. McDreamy tells Benjamin that Cristina, pinched and annoyed though she may be, will prep him for surgery, and asks Benjamin if he has any more questions. Benjamin does: "Is that blonde doctor your girlfriend? 'Cause the way you keep looking at her? You may as well just mount her right here and now." Awesome, and Benjamin's total deadpan delivery just ramps the awesomeness to new levels. No one says anything, all looking around like "awkward!" Benjamin: "I'm sorry, was that rude?"

Outside the room, Bailey gives them all hell for being such sex-starved poor excuses for doctors. She tells Meredith that, if she can keep her clothes on long enough to follow up the labs, she'd appreciate it. Alex gets the pit, which pleases him since i

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