We pick up where we left off last week, with Meredith et al. sitting in Joe's bar waiting for McDreamy to sign his divorce papers and show up already. Before he can, though, two things happen: Meredith gets wasted; and all the doctors' pagers go off because there's been a train wreck. McDreamy, of course, walks into the bar (not a joke!) just after Meredith has left for the hospital. Oh, who will McDreamy choose? Bailey deems Mere too drunk to practice medicine and orders her to stand around with an IV in her arm until she sobers up. Cristina is assigned to assist with re-attaching a severed leg to its rightful owner. Alas, she's brought in someone else's leg, and goes off on a frantic search for the correct appendage, at one point insisting that Burke help her because he's her boyfriend, and that's what boyfriends do. Burke disagrees. In the end it's Alex who finds the leg, thereby making himself out to be the big hero, and giving him back some of his lost mojo. Izzie and Dr. Mrs. Dr. McDreamy work on two women who have gone into labor as a result of the crash; Izzie's performance prompts DMD McDreamy to offer her a mentor relationship, but only if Izzie can get over the fact that she is McDreamy's wife, and therefore evil. Meanwhile, a man and a woman, incredibly upbeat for having been impaled by the same pole and stuck together this way, are brought in. One of them has to be moved off the pole first, with the unfortunate side effect of probably dying. It's the girl, and she does die, and it is heartbreaking. Meredith makes kind of a scene in the OR about not just abandoning the girl to work on the other guy, in a clear parallel to her own sad life. Oh, and McDreamy chooses...his wife.
Previously on Grey's Anatomy: Alex loses his mojo after finding out he has to re-take his medical board exams, and also screws up his first date with Izzie; Meredith gives McDreamy a "choose me, not your wife!" speech; Bailey goes out with her husband for their ten-year anniversary; and Cristina tells Burke they're now a couple.
When we left her last week, Meredith was sitting on a barstool in The Emerald City, knocking back shots of tequila and waiting for McDreamy to show up after having signed those silly divorce papers of his. And...she's still there. The door opens again, and again McDreamy does not walk through it. Meredith makes a face in the door's general direction, then turns to Bartender Joe and laments, "I actually said 'Pick me.' 'Pick me'?" Joe says he thinks it's romantic. This sends Meredith off on a rant: "It's not romantic, Joe. It's horrifying. Horror-movie horrifying. Carrie at the prom with the pig's blood, horrifying!" Joe reminds Mere that Carrie took out an entire senior class. Meredith can't let it go: "I. said. 'PICK ME'!"
Cut to Cristina and the rest of the gang, playing darts elsewhere in the bar. She asks George and Izzie how long, exactly, Meredith is supposed to wait. George hurls darts at the board with a little too much force, not even looking, really, just lots of manly throwing. And by "manly," I mean "hilarious." He wonders if McDreamy really isn't coming. Izzie says it's getting kind of hard to watch Meredith sit there alone. Cristina says it was hard to watch an hour ago -- now it's just pathetic. Meredith hears this last bit and slurs at them, "Whosh pathetic?!?" Cristina does that thing where you act like you don't know what's going on after you've just insulted someone, all looking at your watch and whatnot. I do that more often than I care to admit. Meredith yells at them that they are very bad friends, and to just go ahead and dump the pig's blood on her now and get it over with. The door jingles open again, and in walks a very attractive black man who, unfortunately, is still not McDreamy. As Meredith finally realizes that he's really not coming, all of their pagers go off. Someone conveniently yells at Joe to turn up the TV, and breaking news tells us that a massive train wreck occurred outside Seattle just minutes ago. The doctors, who have just completed a thirty-hour shift, get ready to head back over to the hospital. Joe tells Mere she can't leave; he needs to know how the story ends. Meredith says it's probably for the best that they never find out.
As our gang, who really need a clever nickname, walks back towards the hospital, dodging ambulances and stretchers and train wreck victims on the way in, Meredith voice-overs, "In general, people can be categorized in one of two ways: those who love surprises, and those who don't. I? Don't." Cut to the bar, where McDreamy walks in IN SLOW MOTION. I cannot even describe the kind of berserk feeling I get when I see Patrick Dempsey's previously geeky hair, like, wave around hotly in slo-mo. Oh, Dr. McDreamy! Anyway, McDreamy looks around and locks eyes with only Joe, who tells him, "Dude? You're late."
Cut back to the hospital; as the gang waits for the elevator, Mere VOs some more, "I've never met a surgeon that enjoys a surprise, because as surgeons, we like to be in the know. We have to be in the know, because when we aren't, people die and lawsuits happen. Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling." Ha! Drunk voice-overs are funny. Mere stumbles out of the elevator behind her friends, who are getting themselves all ramped up. Cristina: "I think I saw a pneumo-thorax. I hope I get a pneumo-thorax." Izzie helps Alex with his surgical...smock? I am not up on the terminology quite yet. Alex brats, "I thought you weren't talking to me." Izzie says she felt he needed a friend, so she's rising above. Alex asks why she would think that. Izzie reminds him of how he choked last week with the open-heart surgery guy. She does not, sadly, make the universal sign for choking to demonstrate Alex's failure. Alex says he doesn't need her damn friendship, and they start to argue. They quickly shut up when Bailey (who is at the very top of my list of characters on this show I love the most) stomps in, still in her fabulous heels and dress from her anniversary dinner. Everyone stares, and Bailey is all, "What are you looking at?" I cannot do justice to Chandra Wilson's fantastic delivery of every line she says, so you'll just have to use your imaginations. And I know you have them. Fan fic. They're all like, "What? Nothing? Who, us?" Bailey shoves her things into Alex's arms: "You. Go get me my damn shoes." Bailey utters her signature line -- "Let's go, people" -- and is stopped by Meredith, who says she seems to be a little bit drunk. "I was off-duty." Bailey roars, "So was I. Anybody else half in the bottle?" I am going to have to raise my hand on that one. Everyone else seems to be sober, so Bailey tells Mere that she'll deal with her later. Bailey tells the rest of them that, although she knows they get all aquiver at the sight of blood and organs, they're already tired and she doesn't want any mistakes. Cristina tries to help her tie her smock...thing, and Bailey brushes her off like she's a tiny Korean gnat. "Come ON, now!" Awesome.
Bailey opens the door onto mayhem. Cristina takes one look at the beautiful sea of injuries that lies before her and announces, "I am SO not tired anymore." George echoes at high speed, "Me neither I'm not tired anymore either." Aw. George is really cute in his nervous little way. Dr. Mrs. Dr. Addison Montgomery McDreamy's Wife Shepherd asks Bailey for some help with a third-trimester burn victim. Bailey picks Izzie, who trots over to assist, while Meredith slumps against the wall and gives them both the drunk-eye. Her reverie is interrupted by the attractive black man from earlier in the bar, who tells her, "Hey, Joe told me to tell you that McSteamy came looking for you." Meredith corrects him, "McDreamy. Joe said McDreamy came looking for me?" Attractive Black Man: "I'm pretty sure it was 'McSteamy.'" Heh. And speak of the devil, in walks McSteamy. He catches Mere's eye, looks away sheepishly, and then rushes off. George and Cristina witness this little exchange, and George worries, "Does that mean he picked her?" Cristina: "If it does, I just lost fifty bucks." Suddenly, a paramedic bursts in with a severed leg raised over his head like it's the damn Olympic torch, and yells, "I got the leg!" Cristina eyes the leg like Meredith eyes a shot of tequila, and hisses at George, "I want that leg." Dr. Chief of Surgery Webber follows in a stretcher bearing the leg's owner, and asks Bailey who she's got. Cristina and George both shoot their hands up hysterically. Bailey picks Cristina, who is positively salivating by now. Dr. Webber tells Cristina to rule out other injuries and book an OR. Cristina nods gleefully and takes her patient away.
Webber finds McDreamy and says they need all hands on deck -- "either clear me for surgery or you're fired." McDreamy grills Webber about any recent-brain-surgery-related headaches or blurred vision, which Webber denies he has. McDreamy says fine, but he's coming with him. "Or I'm fired. Up to you." Webber relents, and I have to tell you, McDreamy really is kind of dreamy. As he walks out, he passes Meredith and gives her a little look. George sidles up: "Was that a nod?" Mere says yes. George asks if she knows what it meant. Mere: "No." George gets a pained look, asks no one in particular if he's invisible, and runs off to find himself a patient. More Mere VO: "Okay, so my point, actually, and I do have one, has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits, or even surgeons. My point is this: whoever said, 'What you don't know can't hurt you'? Was a complete and total moron. 'Cause, for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world." Lord. Meredith is maybe a little...meredramatic.