In the ER, Alex calls to April -- calling her "Apes" -- and offers nicely to split the patients. She is obviously in deep shit if Alex is going out of his way to be nice to her and give her what he seems to think is an endearing nickname, and she knows that and is totally angry about it. She insists that she still has three great job offers and he tries to agree, but it's really forced cheer. Richard then calls him over to talk.

He tells Alex that he just got a call from a friend named Keith Collier, who was one of Alex's examiners, and Keith is going to be calling Alex imminently. Alex is right to be horrified, but it turns out that Keith was impressed by Alex's balls and bad temper, and wants to offer him a pediatric fellowship at Hopkins. Alex is genuinely thrilled at the news since it is the best program in the country. April has been unabashedly eavesdropping and she calls out that Hopkins already chose their fellows for next year but Richard beams and says that's why this is exciting -- they would be adding a position just for Alex. Oh my lord. Kids, seriously, don't try this at home. Telling off your examiner and walking out of your test (after arriving late) don't usually get you everything you have ever dreamed about. I have been so sick of Alex lately but I do still like him for some reason, so it makes me happy that he's successful, but come ON. Oh well. Soon enough there will be far more implausible scenarios to swallow and this will be nothing. Even Alex thinks Richard is playing a really cruel practical joke but Richard giddily tells him that he's got nothing at stake here, and he's totally serious. While Alex still kind of doubts this is going to happen, Richard tells him to make sure his ringer is on.

April looks kind of sick at this whole turn of events as Alex walks back over and sets his phone on the counter. They both stare at it, but it's a watched pot and so stays silent. Alex tries to brush it off again as bullshit but even April has to admit she doesn't think Richard is kidding around. He finally declares he is over it and turns to walk away but just then, the phone rings.

Meredith finds Cristina and announces that she has made a decision; Cristina is actually really genuinely pleased until Mere announces that her decision is that Cristina should go to Stanford. Mere tells her that she will be staying here, so if Cristina goes to Stanford she can bring Zola down and they can get drunk on the weekends. Fortunately she rethinks that last bit as soon as it is out of her mouth but unfortunately she seems blind to just how much Cristina is not playing along with this at all.