Cut to Nurse Olivia of the Syph banging on APCM's bathroom door. He's locked it, and won't let her in. Alex runs in to help as APCM screams, "I don't need any doctors! I am an island! A beautiful island surrounded by water!" Kill me. Alex tells Olivia to go get some restraints and turn the water off to the floor, as he tries to pick the lock.
McDreamy tells Running Guy that his CT shows a tumor on his lower spine, which is pressing against a nerve, which is causing the perma-woody. Poor Running Guy is like, "A tumor? So...I should be scared, right? This is the time for scared?" He grabs Mere's hand as if they're an old married couple, which McDreamy notes with much amusement. He tells Running Guy that he'll remove the tumor, and everything should return to normal. Running Guy, to Mere: "Can you call my mom? Her number's in my wallet." Mere, hating herself, says she will. McDreamy asks how long they've been seeing each other. Mere immediately says they're not, and Running Guy says they met last night at Joe's. McDreamy: "I met a girl there once myself. A very long time ago." So McDreamy!
Back in APCM's room, Alex is trying and failing to pick the lock. So he breaks down the door, and we are treated to one of the most disgusting things I think I have ever seen, and I watch Nip/Tuck, people: APCM with his head inside the toilet, splashing toilet water all over his face and into his mouth. GAAAAAG. Alex and Olivia wrestle him off the toilet and back into bed, where they restrain him. APCM yaps and spits and yells the whole time, and I'm sure that toilet water he's spraying all around is most delicious for Alex and Olivia. Alex tells Olivia to give him a 3\% hypertonic solution, 500ccs per hour for the next four hours, to stabilize him. Olivia nods as she struggles with the restraints. APCM spits some more at Alex and says he thinks he's such a hotshot doctor, but he's going to fire him, too! Shut up, APCM. Alex: "Go ahead. Fire me."
Oh, my. Burke is at his house using one of those ab roller exercise wheels, the kind where you can see all the muscles popping out of one's t-shirt? Yes. Cristina walks in, and -- no! -- he stops. She stands there for a second, no doubt reeling from the hotness, then says, "I used the key." Burke says that's a step. Cristina walks towards him slowly and asks if he really wants to know her. Burke: "There is nothing you could reveal about yourself that I wouldn't want to know." Aw! Seriously, he's perfect, y'all. Cristina gives him a long look, then we cut to...