Meredith's attempts to get over McDreamy end horribly when her latest one-night stand shows up at the hospital with a case of priapism -- or, for those of you who are blessedly unaware, when the little general refuses to stop standing at attention. As if that weren't bad enough, the problem appears to be neurological, so McDreamy is called in to consult on the case, and to make fun of Meredith. She is absolutely mortified, but also secretly happy that McDreamy has a hard time with her moving on. A lady who is pregnant with quintuplets is admitted at 32 weeks, and every single hospital employee ever is recruited to assist with the delivery, as three of the babies have significant health problems. Thoroughly Judgmental Izzie, of course, has a problem with the woman's fertility decisions, and says so. It is just as helpful as you might have imagined. The babies are delivered and all whisked away to their respective surgeries. Meanwhile, Cristina tries to get Burke to change his mind about their moving in together by showing him her incredibly messy apartment, and Alex gets it on at work with Nurse Olivia of the Syph, setting his stupid self up for Izzie to walk in on them. Which she does. Oopsie!
We open with a darkened shot of legs and feet, stumbling through a hall. Giggles and falling clothes accompany this scene, and Meredith voice-overs, "When you were a kid, it was Halloween candy." A door opens, and our two headless bodies fall through. One of these is skinny and pasty-white, so we know that it's Mere. Her conquest removes her shirt, and we cut to Burke and Cristina, in just about the same position. MereVO: "You'd get it from your parents, and ate it until you got sick." In between gropes, Cristina pants, "So this is...where you live?" Back to Mere's house, only now it's Izzie and Alex tumbling through the door in the throes of make-out. Mere tells us that, in college, it was the heady combo of youth, tequila, and...well, you know. "As a surgeon, you take as much of the good as you can get, because it doesn't come around nearly as often as it should." And here, we get a hot, hot shot of McDreamy in the shower with...Meredith? Unfortunately, they are both in bed with other people, and Meredith finishes her VO, "Because good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing" Poor Addison looks over at McDreamy in their bed and tells him, "That was amazing." McDreamy's like, "Uh, yeah." Mere rolls over so her back is facing her partner. He asks if she...? Mere says, unenthusiastically, "Yeah. I did."
Mere is up now, and on the phone with Cristina. She says there's a boy in her bed. Cristina, brushing her teeth at Burke's (probably with his toothbrush, which would probably give him a stroke if he knew), asks where she found him. At Joe's, of course. Cristina spits into Burke's pristine kitchen sink and tells Mere that she's there alone. Mere: "You're not going through his stuff, are you?" Cristina says there's no stuff to go through; you could do surgery in the place. It does seem to be a little on the obsessive-compulsive side of clean. Cristina notices his bookshelves and yells, "OH! He arranged his books using the Dewey Decimal System! Mere, I'm scared." Mere tells her to get out, just as her own boy toy wakes up. She tells him she has to go take a shower, and "when I get back, you won't be here, so...goodbye." Wow, very tactful.
Cristina goes to make coffee in Burke's immaculate kitchen, and finds that he's set out a coffee mug for her. Aw. Inside the coffee mug is a key and a note reading: "'C' -- I had a key made for you. --'B.'" I cannot tell you how adorable I find it that Burke put quotation marks around their initials. He's my grandmother! Cristina, however, finds none of this adorable, and makes an "oh shit" face.
Back at Mere's, George and Izzie are having breakfast downstairs. George complains that he didn't sleep at all. Izzie: "Who was it this time? Hairy Back Guy?" George says he misses Inappropriate Facial Hair Guy, because he did his own dishes. Izzie and George both agree that they loved Tattooed Ass Guy. George tells Izzie unconvincingly that he's totally over Meredith. Just then, Mere's latest goes bolting out the door. Izzie: "And I shall name him...Running Guy." Hee. George asks how it was with Alex last night. Izzie confesses that there were, um, technical difficulties, and makes this hilarious little gesture with her hand to illustrate. George begins laughing uproariously, and Izzie grabs him by the collar and hisses, "I just need some sex, George. I NEED SEX NOW!" George tells her that no matter how hard she begs, he is not doing her. Ha! I bet.
Cut to the hospital, where Dr. Mrs. Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd is just finishing up signing her contract. Webber reminds her again how awesome it's going to be for her to be there, how great she is, how much money she's going to make, etc. Addison answers with: "Quintuplets, Richard. The mother-to-be called in just this morning." Webber says there's nothing he likes more than a high-profile case. Addison, trying to act like she is above all that silly publicity, says not to call the press yet, as it's an extremely high-risk case, and she's going to need to pull people in from all departments. Webber: "You're my star. Whatever you need." Why is Webber suddenly reminding me of Jessica Simpson's dad?
In another part of the hospital, a man in an MRI machine yells, "Is there meal service on this flight?" On the other side of the glass, Alex tells McDreamy that this guy, "Robert Martin," fell and hit his head, causing a small subdural hemorrhage and delirium. McDreamy calls into the microphone to ask Robert how he's doing. Robert: "I need a drink! Are you the stewardess?" Heh. McDreamy tells Robert that they're actually called "flight attendants" these days. Robert keeps screaming for his drink, and he's going to kill me if he keeps it up, which I am sure he will. McDreamy sees that Robert has a cyst on his pituitary, making him hyponatremic, which is why he's so thirsty. Alex tells McDreamy a bunch of medical jibba-jabba about how they should treat it, and McDreamy tells Alex to get to it. Robert continues to annoy me by yelling, "Hey! When does the movie start?" Sigh.
Addison has called Izzie in to assist her with the quintuplets case, and introduces her to the expectant mother, a cute little blonde thing much too tiny to be pregnant with a Raisinet, much less five babies. "Dory" is 32 weeks along, and good little student Izzie recites that the normal gestation period is 40 weeks; with twins, 36 weeks is optimal, so with quints, 34 weeks would be good. Dory's husband is just outside the door to the room saying something about giving their other kids acetaminophen, and we find out that not only is Dory pregnant with quints, she has triplets at home. Izzie can't keep her mouth shut: "Guess when you take those fertility pills, you should read the fine print, huh?" Hee. Addison admonishes her, and Izzie apologizes. Dory says it's okay, she's used to it. "I just really wanted a girl." Her husband chimes in that they just didn't bank on five girls. Dory says dreamily, "But think of all the clothes!" Yes, and all the vomit, and poop, and screaming. Lord, can you imagine eight children all screaming at once? It's giving me heart palpitations just thinking about it. Anyway, Dory and her husband are all happy-happy about their five babies, which I find incredible. Addison leans in to Izzie and tells her she doesn't have to say everything that pops into her head, and hands her the chart. Izzie takes it sheepishly.
Outside, Cristina and Mere are having a little post-coital coffee. Mere quips, "They always look so sad when I kick them out." She doesn't understand why, when you pick up a guy in a bar and take him home for sex, there are no picket fences or kids in their future. Cristina pulls out her key and shows it to Mere in full agreement. "I got freaking keyed before coffee!" As if on cue, Running Guy walks up holding his jacket over his crotch. He asks Mere if she works there, because he's having a little problem. "Actually, I'm having a big problem." He removes his jacket so the girls can see his big old boner. Cristina: "Hi! I'm Cristina." Hee. Running Guy explains that ever since they did it, "it" won't go away. Everyone is mortified except Cristina, who giggles, "Oh, there are so many things I could say right now. Champ."
Mere and Cristina lead Running Guy into the hospital. He asks if it's serious, because it hurts like it's serious. Mere wants to find somewhere to stash him until they figure out what's wrong, because she can't have the whole hospital finding out. Cristina: "It's not my fault you broke this guy's penis." Oh, poor Mere. Kind of. They're busted by Bailey, who calls after them, "Hey. Hey! Don't make me chase you down, I'm growing a person here!" Cristina hauls ass, leaving Mere to face Bailey alone.
Back in Dory's room, Izzie is examining Dory and the babies. Dory grimaces, then explains that "Kate" kicks her really hard. Izzie can't believe she's named them already. Dory says she knows Izzie