The residents are all working the night shift while the attendings go off to play -- Derek got his Alzheimer's grant, so everyone goes to Joe's to celebrate. When they walk in, though, they see literally the last thing on earth they had ever expected to see: Cristina bartending. She mixes them some crazy blue drinks, and things start to unravel for everyone in different ways. Bailey is child-free for the night, so she decides to drink her weight in blue cocktails while spouting romantic advice and complaints about fistulas. She shuffles back to the hospital to sleep it off, and April finds her and sets her up with an IV. They wind up having a bit of a heart-to-heart, and April is thrilled to think that they are now friends, but when a sober and hung-over Bailey wakes up, she assures April that none of that ever happened. The good thing is, though, that it seems to still have given April a bit of her confidence back after the whole Alex fiasco.
Alex and Jackson have actually made up in that way only boys can do after trying to beat each other to a bloody pulp. Jackson's mind probably can't maintain a feud with his roommate anyway, because it's too busy with PTSD and his massive survivor guilt. After Lexie has to wake him up from a nightmare about his poor dead buddy Charles, she tries to get him to open up, but he refuses. Instead he focuses his rather scary, angry energy on treating a kid who tried to beat a train across the tracks and lost, killing his younger brother in the process. While I was convinced this was going to result in his killing the kid and hitting rock bottom, he winds up being pretty awesome in the OR and is instrumental in saving him. Later, through analogy, he tells Lexie about his survivor's guilt, and how though he doesn't want to talk about it, it makes him better to know she knows what's going on. These two are totally hooking up sometime soon, I'm sure of it.
Alex winds up helping Mere, who drew the short straw and is watching weasely Dr. Stark's patients for the night. One patient is a kid who has extreme pain after surgery, and whose mom is a nurse so she knows something isn't right. Mere calls Stark in but gets told off by him for doing so, and he writes the kid's symptoms off as gas. Of course, it totally turns out later to be a perforated ulcer. She and Alex keep trying to contact Stark but he's ignoring them, so they wind up taking him in to surgery themselves and rocking it out. Of course, they are later rewarded by Stark's almost cartoonish screaming lecture and promise to make their lives hell for what they did, even though what they did was totally save his ass.
Mark, Callie and Teddy all wind up at Joe's for Derek's celebration and find themselves drunk from Cristina's concoctions, which leads the ladies to lament their love lives. Teddy is shattered because Callie and Arizona were the couple she looked up to, and she wants them to reunite, but Callie refuses to go to Africa; instead she tries to pick up another girl after Mark tells her she needs a sexual palate cleanser to help her move on. When that doesn't work out, and when she can't sleep at home, she makes the absolutely cringeworthy drunken decision to enlist Mark to be her sexual sorbet, though the shot of her face the next morning indicates that she knows just how horrible that decision really was.
Obviously, Cristina's trying to bartend was also a horrible decision, and Joe realizes this pretty early on in the night when he has to explain that she can't give all the drinks away for free. Since Derek is her self-appointed protector, he winds up ditching his own party to sit at the bar and drink water while keeping an eye on her and make sure she doesn't do anything (even more) stupid. It turns out Joe fired her halfway through the night but she's now totally wasted and having a good time serving the bachelor party that is hanging out there. While Derek is making sure she doesn't leave with one of the dudes, he doesn't actually want to tell her what to do so he just watches as she drunkenly tries her hand at lap dancing. Owen comes back to the bar after surgery to find her doing just that, and while there isn't some crazy scene, he does put a stop to it and literally carries her home. He then plays the very good husband and brushes her hair out of her face while she pukes, but he obviously is at a complete and utter loss of what to do with her (as is everyone else). Looks like we're keeping this Cristina for a while to come, at this rate.
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First off, big thanks to the awesome Joe R for filling in for me last week! And now, on to this week's episode. I was all set to finally call time on transcribing these stupid VOs because I feel like they have gotten more and more unwieldy and either been obvious or forced. But then this week had one that I found actually kind of interesting. So: "We doctors take pride in the fact that we can basically sleep standing up, anytime, anywhere." Jackson is asleep and starts screaming bloody murder, so Lexie comes in to wake him up. He sits bolt upright and starts demanding to know where Charles is, and a freaked-out Lexie realizes he's still asleep and finally gets him to wake up. He's embarrassed, but covers by just getting all pissy and stomping off to get ready for work.
"But it's a false pride because the truth is, after about 20 hours without sleep, you might as well just come to work drunk. Doctor or not. So, it's no wonder that fatal medical errors increase at night when we doctors are, proudly, sleeping on our feet." Well, that makes me fairly sure that even if I rip my arm off, I'm going to just wait until morning to go to the doctor. Derek gets home and sees Jackson shuffle to the bathroom (happily for all of us, sans shirt) and then looks into Alex's room as he sits bolt upright to his alarm, looking very much like an actual zombie if that zombie had just been beaten to a pulp. Lexie yawns her way to the bathroom but April is up and far too chipper, offering Derek some "breakfast" which he declines as it is 6 PM. Mere continues, "Recently, our communal pride has been shattered, and our egos have been wounded by new laws that require that we sleep all day before we work all night. We are not happy about it. But as someone who may one day need medical care, you really should be." Well, now I personally feel secure enough to go to the ER if my arm is ripped off, but if it's still hanging on by anything, I will still until morning since I don't believe that this daytime sleeping is doing any good. Either way, I found it personally rather interesting to learn there are now laws forcing doctors to sleep. Who knew?
Derek walks in to the bedroom where Mere is sleeping and recounts his day, tossing out casually that he got the Phillips Grant -- judging by Meredith's excited reaction, it's a big deal Alzheimer's grant. Mark is throwing him a party at Joe's, but Derek would rather fool around a little with his post-it bride. Too bad for him, she's late for work.