As she mixes some sort of revolting concoction at the bar under Joe's worried gaze, Owen explains to the others that she's spent days watching infomercials so yes, he told her to get a job but figured she'd work in a lab or something. Derek's bright idea is to suggest she could be a housewife but Callie snorts and rightfully points out that she'd probably be even worse at that than bartending. Cristina then glides over with some unnaturally blue drinks on a tray and announces that she calls them the "Early Onset Alzheimer's" because they won't remember anything after they drink it. She did it in Shepherd's honor but after he chokes at the taste he asks her if she thinks the name is a bit distasteful. Of all the things that have been said over the years among these doctors, I can't believe this is where he's going to attempt to draw a line. The boys order scotch but Bailey seems to like the EOA, against all odds. Cristina then flits off to go serve the bachelor party that just danced in, and Derek puts on his best Troubled Face.
Lexie and Jackson are heading to see the first trauma of the night and Lexie seems to want to call Owen but Jackson insists they don't, and wants to at least see what is wrong first. Unfortunately what they are faced with are two teenage brothers who tried to race a train across the tracks and lost. They are both in pretty bad shape, and Lucas, the elder bro, is calling out for his little brother Reilly and promising never to try racing a train again. Jackson is treating Lucas and tries to insist that they don't need to call Hunt, but when Lexie checks out the younger brother Reilly's injuries, she calls Jackson over quietly in that way that means it's obviously something pretty bad. She shows him the boy's leg sitting at the end of the table and then a gaping wound that I can't even tell what it is, but it seems to be displaying all of his innards, so Jackson finally agrees that now is the time to call Hunt.
Mere goes in to see her first patient, and of course the kid isn't stable and perfect as promised. He's in tons of pain after chest surgery and his mom is a nurse, so she knows that it's not normal to have ab pain after said surgery. As Mere checks him out Mrs. McNeill, the mom, asks if she will call Stark and Mere agrees.
Teddy walks into the bar, looking amazing with some great, wavy hair, and it turns out she looks fab because she just came from a date, but that it was a very short, horrible date. She tries a sip of the EOA and cringes before launching into a tirade against internet dating and refuses to let Derek chip in since he's happily married. She then turns to Callie and tells her to go to Africa, tell Arizona she's an idiot, and then make everything okay because what they had was rare and awesome. Callie says she's not going so Teddy declares that she's also an idiot. She sounds like she's already drunk but has only had one sip of the blue drink and some scotch from Mark, so I'm not entirely sure how she's this far gone only two minutes after her drinks. Cristina wasn't wrong about their potency, I guess. And speaking of the new bartender, Teddy finally notices her when she starts timing a chugging contest between the bachelors, and asks what she missed, face appalled.