Grey's Anatomy
The Self Destruct Button

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Life is hard. Let's go get a slushie.

I see we have tonight's theme. And, conveniently, the title of the episode.

Outside the hospital, the Grey Gang meets up with the rest of the Medicine Crüe, and we learn that Cristina rides a motorcycle and Alex runs every day and has the energy of a seven-year-old with ADD and a sugar addiction. In the locker room, George grumps that he needs a major rush to get through the day and that a good surgery should do the trick. Alex asks if George was a bad boy last night and Izzie says that no, it was Meredith who was doing the nasty. Alex is congratulatory while Izzie is prudish and pissy. "Next time it happens," she snots, "let me know, so I can go to a hotel." Okay, on the one hand? Yeah, a roommate who has loud sex is really rude and annoying and only serves to remind you of all the sex you're not having. On the other? Shut up, Izzie. You begged Mere to let you stay in her house, you now live in a goddamn MANSION, if it bugged you that much, YOU COULD HAVE SLEPT ON THE SOFA or, I don't know, knocked on the door and told them to KEEP IT DOWN. Meredith's your roommate, not a Latin King living next door with a house party going on 24/7. Tell the bitch to keep the moans and groans to herself and then SHUT. YOUR. PIEHOLE.

Sorry. It's just...shut up, Izzie.

George informs Mere that she was just a wee bit loud last night with all the bumping and the grinding and the sexing and then he and Izzie leave. Cristina asks if they know that it's McDreamy keeping them up at night and Mere says that she hopes not. During their rounds, Mere keeps yawning and George keeps slipping McDreamy the evil eye. Yeah, that's not too obvious or anything, George. As Bailey, Mere, and Izzie pass Derek, it's fairly clear that both he and Meredith were up late, and Bailey comments on this. Mere just insists her coffee hasn't kicked in yet, which Bailey believes about as much as she believes that needles don't hurt and pulling out is a successful form of birth control. She proceeds to give Mere a rundown of her duties for the morning as Mere just yawns and yawns and practically naps right there on the floor. After she leaves to do her tasks, a couple runs up and the woman tells Bailey that her boyfriend swallowed her keys. "I didn't want her to leave," wheezes the key-eating boyfriend. Bailey rolls her eyes for the gazillionth time and tells Izzie to locate the keys.

Part of Mere's duties include checking in on a teenaged girl with abdominal issues. The girl looks a mess, but her mother looks atrocious; she has a raging queen bitch expression on her face, ruby red perma-lipstick, and she keeps going on and on about how she thinks her daughter caught a bug in the third-world country she told her not to visit. The father, who seems moderately nicer, if not just totally cowed by his bitch of a wife, just keeps talking about how the girl's been weak and losing weight ever since she returned from Mexico. The girl just chews her nails and generally looks miserable. Mere asks her to lie back for an exam, but the girl resists and begins to look really nervous. Mere just tries to put her at ease, saying that it's probably nothing, but she can't be allowed to leave until Mere checks her out. The girl insists that she's fine and just needs some antibiotics. "For god's sake, Claire," says her bitch of a mother, "I don't want to spend my entire day here." It's clear from Claire's face that this woman has more in common with a fire-breathing dragon than a mother. Meredith wisely asks the parents to leave the room and, thankfully, they do.

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