Seattle Grace is a hotbed of secrets. George gets himself a nasty case of syphilis and spends most of the episode trying to keep this fact from everyone, including the girl who gave it to him. Meredith is still not telling anyone about her poor Alzheimer-y mother in the home. The Chief is suffering from headaches and blurry vision and he knows this can only mean one thing: TUMOR!
The patients du jour are Burke's friend Bill, who somehow wound up with a wayward ovary pressing against his bladder; a mean drunk with a distended abdomen who may or may not have heart disease as well; and the Chief himself, who lets Derek operate on his vision-impairing tumor, even though it could render him blind and therefore jobless. Bill discovers that he's impotent, which makes the fact that his wife is about seven months pregnant a little disturbing, to say the least. The drunk ends up dying during a routine procedure and Cristina and Izzie figure out that he actually had heart disease and didn't die of drink like his bitter daughter thinks he did. And the Chief wakes up after his surgery to a scene of Derek and Meredith acting lovey-dovey right outside his hospital room. So, you know, good that he's not blind, but, um, bad for Derek and Meredith.
In the end, George tells his girl about the syph and finds out that Alex actually gave HER the syph, which means that, by extension, Alex gave George the syph. So, basically, Alex and George have slept together. Meredith tells Derek about her mother, and he reacts lovingly, which is a nice change for him. Unfortunately, our good opinion of him does a complete turnaround about ten minutes later when it comes to our attention that Derek has a wife named Addison and not only is she in Seattle, she's in Seattle at the very hospital they work for. And, needless to say, she ain't too happy.
Previously on If the Trailer's a Rockin', Two Doctor's are Doin' the Nasty on the World's Smallest Bed: George got a date, Cristina scheduled an appointment at the local abortion clinic, and Meredith learned Derek's favorite color and they scampered off to make sweet trailer park love in Derek's Silver Bullet on a hill.
As Meredith's VO talks about how secrets can't hide in science and medicine has a way of exposing the lies, we follow a trail of discarded clothes along the floor until they lead us to a pair of hairy, naked legs. The naughty bits at the top of the legs are hidden by a big-ass book entitled, "Rashes, Hives, and Skin Eruptions." Mmmm. Excellent book. Number two for three weeks running on the New York Times bestsellers list! I keep it next to my bed. For those nights when I just really, really, REALLY need a good nightmare filled with pulsating ass boils and scaly, rash-covered genitals.
It turns out that George is the one reading the book and after Meredith's VO says something about trying to keep the secrets they all have from permeating the hospital, George looks directly down at his crotch and we are forced to realize that the rashes, hives, and skin eruptions he's reading about are very likely occurring in or around the general region of his Long Duk Dong. He looks severely disgusted with himself. And his dong.
Izzie starts rattling the doorknob, wanting to get in and take a shower. George is busy staring at his tallywhacker, however, and says he'll be out in a minute. Izzie nosily wants to know what he's doing in there. Well, Izzie, he's in the bathroom and the shower isn't on. I'd say he's taking a crap, but since that wouldn't prevent your nosy fucking ass from just barging in and jumping into the shower, I won't bother to try and inform you of George's current status. I hate it when people ask that question outside the bathroom door. What the fuck do you THINK I'm doing in here? Crocheting a new goddamn shower curtain? Mind your business!
But George just says that he's doing something private and Dirty Izzie immediately assumes that he's masturbating. She walks away all, "Ohhhhhh. Never mind! Have at it! Just... don't leave a stain on the floor, okay?" George is appalled and starts sputtering that he's not doing what she thinks he's doing... while standing in the middle of the bathroom with a gargantuan book covering his dingle. Izzie parks herself outside the door with a magazine and tells George that she'll just wait until he's finished, like, GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM, IZZIE. Even if he IS tossing off, do you really need to listen to it?