"What'd he say?" asks Alex. "Did you hear that?" "Did -- did he just call him a crack whore?" says Cristina. Hee. "Whaddya -- he didn't call him a crack --" "Shut up," says Cristina, cutting him off. "I'm trying to read lips." "Shut up, you crack whore," says Alex. Man, I've used "ho," "slut," "cooter," "bitch," and a host of other names when throwing 'tude at my girlfriends, but I have never used "crack whore" before. I plan to use it immediately. I may even have to stop recapping this so that I can call up my friend Megan and call her a crack whore and then hang up the phone. Crack whore is the new black. George shuffles up. "Whaddya got?" Alex tells him it's just the two docs, battling it out over which one of them gets to put his penis in the lusty intern. "Why, whaddya you got?" asks Alex. "Oh, nothing," says George casually. "Just some woman down in the ER…with spontaneous orgasms…" There's a beat and then Alex and George careen off down the hallway with Cristina chasing them and yelling, "Wait wait wait wait!" at their backs. Heeee.
As they run off in search of the G-spot, we switch to the interior of Webber's office and return to our regularly scheduled yelling, already in progress. Derek's all, you can't have the intern! Mark's all, I don't want the intern! I want the wife! And Derek's all, excuse me, haven't you already HAD the wife? And Mark's all, yeah, and it was goooood! And Webber's all, fuck this shit, I'm going to get a tuna melt. Or, you know, Derek just yells at Mark for wanting to operate on a patient of his simply to get published and Mark yells back that he wants to fix the kid's face and Webber just watches them like they're a late-night baby-oil wrestling match on the Playboy Channel and finally says that if Mark can get the parents' consent, he can go ahead with the surgery. My version of this scene is more truthful, but whatever. Mark seems pleased with the outcome of this little powwow, though. "Round Two goes to the jackass," he sneers self-importantly. Heh. It sure does.
The Orgasmatron. (I'm not asking that you love Duran Duran as much as I do or anything, but if you happen to, then you'll know just what an Orgasmatron is and where it first appeared and how hilarious it is.) George, Cristina, and Alex speed into the ER, where SOG is having yet another orgasm. They move over en masse and attempt to witness it, but Addison shows up to draw the curtain around her and spoil their fun. Killjoy. She's all, move along, people. Nothing to see here. They all slink off as Cristina says, "I wonder what McDreamy and McSteamy see in her anyway." "She's McHott," says Alex. "McYeah she is!" says George. Heeeeee. Speaking of McDreamy and McSteamy, Addison runs into them in a hallway and Derek just glares at her and walks off, leaving Mark to face his ex-lover. Unfortunately, she's not interested in seeing him right now, so she turns around and walks away. He follows and yammers at her about how everyone makes mistakes and how somehow he lost his best friend and the woman he loved. Whoa. "Loved"!