Cut to the copier, where Kevin's making copies of Kim's death scene, unbeknownst to Dave.
Then we're in Quentin's trailer, where he's making a frantic phone call to Jason P. whilst holding his potbellied pig, Brando. (Didn't think I'd remember the pig's name, did ya? Yeah, well, I'm just full of surprises, aren't I? Okay. Okay. So I went back through my recaps and searched for "pig." So what? At least I went through the effort of trying to find the damn swine's name.) "Jason?" Hairless shrills into his cell phone. "It's me, Quentin K. Pickuppickuppickup. I know you're there, brother. STEP AWAY FROM THE LADY. She's not worth throwing your life away for, Jason! PICK UP! If it's a physical thing, go do your business in the commode but DON'T SUCCUMB! Remember what you told me: STAY ON THE PATH. Call me as soon as you get this. It's me. Quentin K." The pig squeals. "Quentin K." Hairless ends the call and, well, I just want to say right now that, even though I am drinking a beer (or ten) as I write this recap, I am having extreme difficulty not waking my neighbors with the extended guffaws emitting from my gut. I've got six minutes and twenty-seven seconds left in this episode and I'm already at ten pages and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel because every single moment of this thing is drop-dead hilarious. Ow. I just burned my finger on my cigarette. Medic? Medic! Okay, HANK4? Get me some ointment and a Band-Aid® and for GOD'S SAKE GET ME ANOTHER AMSTEL LIGHT®.
Well, while Hairless is making crank sex-obsessive phone calls to Jason P., Schmarce is dejectedly sitting in her trailer, wearing her hospital gown and fondling her Nokia. There's a knock at the door and it's Rob, entering to tell Schmarce that her ass is toast. Only she doesn't know that. Yet. Schmarce says that she's been trying to call him. Rob says his phone is on the fritz. Right. Hollywood cell phones don't go on the fritz. They have guarantees, written in blood, that state they'll never, EVER malfunction. Unless, of course, you want them to. In which case, they actually offer a fake toll-free number for people to call when they don't believe you when you say your phone is on the fritz and a really pleasant person on the other end of the line will tell you that, indeed, the phone in question is inoperable and that you should try back another time; perhaps in the year 2005.













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