Rob wholeheartedly approves of this gimmick and says so. Imagine his chagrin when Joan tells him that it's no gimmick. "Wait a minute," he says, stopping her. "So, what, after three years on the show, one of our main characters might just suddenly disappear?" "In a ratings bonanza!" Joan says, her already huge mouth opening wider. She is a bad, scary woman. Save me, Hank4.
In a classroom across town, a goateed man is talking about how he had two choices: saving his job or keep doing the cleaning lady. Ah. I see we're at the "Sex Obsessives Anonymous" meeting. Quentin enters and takes a seat at the back as the guy says, "My boss fired me right there on the spot. You know what happened next? I did 'em both at the same time." Okay, A) I am loving this episode and secondly, I am LOVING this episode.
The guy sitting next to Hairless moves over and says, under his breath, "I haven't had anonymous sex in eight months, how 'bout you?" "Oh, no," says Q, "I'm just here for research. For a film." "Yeah," says the guy, nodding his head. "We all are." Then he introduces himself as "Jason" and offers up a handshake. Q shakes his hand and realizes that it's none other than Jason Priestley sitting next to him. Q is suitably impressed. "Whoa! Jason Priestley! You're a sex freak?" he says. "Sex addict," Jason corrects him. "And it's 'Jason P.' Remember, this is 'Sex Obsessives Anonymous.' What goes on in here, stays in here." "I've been in hotels with that policy," sleazes Hairless. Okay, I say "sleazes," but really, Q's cracking me up so far and not skeeving me out like he usually does. Let's hope it stays that way.
Back at the lot, Rob's exiting the offices as Schmarce scrambles up to him with her curlers in a twist. "Rob? I just heard this radio ad that said there's some phone line about Kim living or dying?" "I know, isn't it great?" Rob enthuses. "It's a new promotional tool." This, of course, leads Schmarce to believe that it's not real, and Rob propagates this misconception by telling her that it's just the wizards at the WB trying to get some eyeballs to tune in. Schmarce buys it and wants to know when she's coming out of her coma because, according to the New England Journal of Medicine, "the odds of a full recovery drop 6.8 percent every twelve hours starting the fourteenth day after the trauma occurs," as Schmarce informs us. By the way, I had to rewind this little one-second moment about thirty times just to get it right, and I did it because I just want everyone to know that I do, indeed, pay attention to every damn word and I didn't want to screw this line up. Rob tells Schmarce to relax and then says that he's writing in a new character; some brilliant neurosurgeon, "Dr. Evangaliste," who will apparently rescue Kim from the biting jaws of death. We all know this isn't true, but you gotta give Rob some credit for thinking on his feet. Even when thinking on his feet is pretty much just flat-out lying. Schmarce is all tingly and reassured. Stupid Schmarce.