Grosse Pointe
Prelude To A Kiss

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Prelude To A Kiss

Thank you. Thank you, WB, for not torturing us yet again with your stupid explanatory intro. A million gratitudes...

Previously, on Grosse Pointe...I have no clue. Next.

We're obviously in a scene from Grosse Pointe the show within a show, because Tori2 and Johnny are gettin' it on in some bedroom somewhere and the light is all golden and sunshiny. And Johnny is actually being eloquent, something that I just KNOW he isn't on a regular basis. So, anyway, Johnny says to Tori2, "My heart is a house. And you are the living room. Because you are where I live." Wait. Did I just say "eloquent"? Pardon me. I meant "cheeze-whizzy."

Tori2's all over it, though, because she says, "Oh, Brad, you are so poetic. And such a stud. How did I get so lucky?" Because you're wearing a midriff-baring GAP oxford shirt, Tori2. Because of that. Nothing more.

"Brad" pulls Tori2 around on the bed, and the camera moves in on the back of his head while he ostensibly shoves his surfer tongue down Tori2's throat. The camera angle changes, and we see Johnny and Tori2 with their faces about eighteen feet apart while they move their heads around in a sort of "kissing" fashion. Johnny looks bored. Tori2 looks like a woman who needs to get laid. And FAST.

The director calls, "CUT!" and Tori2 and Johnny separate as Johnny lets out a righteous belch that would do my grandmother proud. (You have no idea; the woman could belch louder than a Northwestern University frat boy after an extended three-week kegger. On a daily basis, mind you.) Johnny apologizes, saying, "Sorry. Breakfast burrito." Hork. Tori2 doesn't mind, of course, because she's STUPID. She just says, "That's okay." Then she skitters along after Johnny, asking him, "Um, Johnny, listen. Do you wanna watch the season premiere together?" Johnny says, "You mean just you and me? Why?" BECAUSE SHE FUCKING LOVES YOU, MAN! GOD! I know you're sub-humanly ignorant, but JESUS! Wake up and smell the pheromones, dude!

Tori2 scrambles and says that it isn't just going to be the two of them, that it's a party. Johnny informs her that if it's at her house, he ain't going, primarily because her house is in the Valley. Oh. Okay. Guess the Hummer can't make it that far. Tori2 informs Johnny that it's going to be at a "cool club" (or should I say "kool klub"?). Johnny wants to know just which cool club she's referring to. Tori2, of course having no party, no cool club, and no plan whatsoever, says, "Well, what's the coolest club in L.A.?" After Johnny the wonder-dud tells her that the most major spot in town is "Baby Doc's," Tori2 sparks up that the party is, indeed, located at this California hotspot. Johnny asks who's coming to this imaginary shindig, and Tori2 says, "Well, the whole cast...Hunter...and Quentin...and Courtney..." Johnny's perpetual Courtney hard-on forces him to respond, "Okay, sure, why not?" Johnny walks off and Tori2, panicked, dials information for the number to "Baby Doc's."

Cue the Grosse Pointe credits.

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Grosse Pointe

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