Loser-Land, part deux: Richard's makeup artist walks up to Tori2 and tells her she's up on the karaoke roster. Tori2 fearfully makes her way to the stage as "I Got You Babe" starts to play. Do you see where I'm going people? Hello? It's a fucking DUET that she intended to sing with the human penis. Ohhhh...nooooo...
Tori2 gets up on stage and starts to sing rather sadly as DTSI watches her from the bar and gets the most adorable look on his face. At the same time, Courtney and Johnny are off by a sofa talking, and Tori2 sees this and starts to sing even worse, obviously in the throes of a deep depression. Just when it looks like Tori2 might fail even more miserably at karaoke then she has at psychotherapy, DTSI jumps onstage and starts singing along with her. And I think this marks a milestone moment. DTSI, due to his overwhelming chivalry and derring-do, will heretofore be known by his Christian name: Dave. I think it's only right.
So Dave and his new potential girlfriend Tori2 sing along together, and they're completely, pathetically sweet. In the corner, Johnny works his dicksmack magic by talking to Courtney about her kiss with Quentin. When Courtney expresses distaste at having to feel Quentin's tongue polishing her teeth, Johnny offers up a solution: The Screen Kiss. Courtney doesn't know what he's talking about. They sit on the sofa and Johnny demonstrates his prowess at not kissing while making it look like he's kissing. Which, of course, Tori2 sees from her position on stage and, even though Dave is obviously the perfect man for her, she runs off in her Cher-like pants and makes a break for the exit. Dave runs after her and the pizza guy arrives, telling Dave that someone's gotta pay for the 'za. After being told that the pizzas are $119, Dave throws down a wad of cash and chases after Tori2. Awwww, way to spend money that belongs to the woman you're chasing after, man. I don't care. He's still cute. Johnny walks up and thrusts his greedy gob into the box, making me pray for his eventual painful death.
Next week: Hunter gets the chance to play the ultimate slut: Monica Lewinsky. I make a call to Sam's Discount Liquors and order up a year's supply of grain alcohol.