Grosse Pointe
Puppet Master

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Erin: D | Grade It Now!
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Two angry women. Three tons of mud. Add water and stir.

Courtney stalks up to Hunter, who's currently wearing, I swear, a fur-trimmed sweatshirt, a gray stretch mini-skirt, pink tights, character shoes, and LEG WARMERS. Leg warmers, people! These were in style when Jamie Lee Curtis and John Travolta aerobicized their sweaty asses through Perfect, for God's sake! Have YOU ever seen anyone in this day and age sporting leg warmers? If you have, I want you to email me immediately and tell me so. I MEAN IT. ["I see Japanese tourists wearing them all the time. I'm not saying that excuses it, though." -- Sars]

Hunter looks innocently at Courtney as she approaches. "Trouble in paradise?" she intones. "You are such a lying bitch," Courtney slams back. "Nice talk," says Hunter. "You kiss Jonah with that mouth?" Heh. They go off and prepare themselves for the scene as Jonah yells, "Action!" with all the authority that his J. Crew-sporting ass can muster.

In the scene, Laura exits the high school and Becky intercepts her. Becky tells Laura that she knows about Laura and Stone. "I know! Isn't that weird?" says Laura. "They made us lab partners. How random is that?" "Stop! Just stop!" says Becky. "I know you're sleeping with him." Laura gives her this look like, "Yes, I am. How sad for you." Heh. "How could you do this to me?" asks Becky. "After all my family has done for you!" "Well," says Laura, adjusting her hair just perfectly, "all's fair in love and...high-school sex." I think that's a Walt Whitman quote. "You Hefty bag of trash," says Becky, tossing down her school books and Cliffs Notes copy of "How To Be A Virginal Bitch Without Even Trying."

And the cat fight begins...

Becky slaps Laura. Laura recovers admirably, only to say, "Oh, no, you didn't!" Then she slaps Becky back. Becky recovers and shoves Laura. Laura stands up, gathers her energy, and tackles Becky into a hedge. They're going at it as Jonah watches the monitors in supreme orgasmic heat. "This is fantastic!" he crows. Becky and Laura continue grappling, but, really, it's Hunter and Courtney, so I'm going to stop referring to them as Becky and Laura.

Courtney grabs the back of Hunter's neck and grits, "Why'd you lie to Jonah about me?!" "Why'd you steal my boyfriend?" Hunter spews. "This isn't high school!" Courtney counters, pulling wads of Hunter's hair from her scalp. "Look around you!" Hunter screams, wrapping her hands around Courtney's throat. Courtney body-slams Hunter onto a park bench and starts to strangle her as Rob looks on, uncomfortable because there are no naked women in this scene. Hunter and Courtney continue to perform little-known scenes from WWF -- The Slut Years. Finally, Courtney presses her knee into Hunter's neck and says, "I'm gonna kill you. You. Don't. Know. Who. You're. Dealing. With." "Fine!" says Hunter from beneath Courtney's bony joint. "Just get off of me!"

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Grosse Pointe

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