Later on, Hunter's in her trailer, trying out various slutty pieces of undergarments. It looks like the Best Little Whorehouse in Hollywood just erupted all over her bedroom. Dave enters and says as much. He fingers one of Hunter's bras and wonders out loud if all her bras are padded to within an inch of their lives. Hunter snidely tells him to just pick up all of this tatty underwear and get rid of it. Then she wants him to go to Victoria's Secret to pick her up some new slutter-wear. Dave balks at first but then agrees to go. Before he leaves, Hunter commands him to book her a wax. "You just had one a week ago," says Dave. "My pubes are like trick candles," says Hunter. Wait. Did she just say that? "Pubes"? Rewind. Play. Rewind. Play. Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD. That's the funniest thing I've heard in forever. Ow. Stomach cramp.
Somehow, Dave's managed to wrestle Marcy into coming with him to Vicky's House o' Fun. Marcy can't believe that Hunter's making Dave buy her lingerie. Marcy thinks that going to Vicky's is the fun part. No, Marcy. The fun part is letting your boyfriend SEE the stuff you've purchased at Vicky's and then letting him take it off you. Okay. Just had a moment of synergy with Davey. "I thought taking it off was the fun part," says Dave. You see? We're in connection. We're totally in sync. No, Hank4. That doesn't mean I don't love and adore YOU. You are, after all, REAL.
Dave holds up a Traci Lords-esque black see-through number and asks Marcy what she thinks. Marcy flirtatiously takes it out of his hands and says, "I dunno. Lemme try it on." And then she...she is...she's WALKING TOWARD THE DRESSING ROOM. Whoop! Oh, damn. She's just being coy. She turns and says, "Kidding! What kind of girl do you think I am?" The kind of girl who's NEVER GETTING DAVE, sister.
Dave looks at all the hoochie-coochie stuff and says, "You know what? I don't even like any of this stuff. I think plain cotton underwear is so much sexier." Word. And double word. I've got loads of sexy, slinky, sheer, and velvety crap in my lingerie drawer. And what do you think are Hank4's faves? A white cotton lace bra and matching white cotton panties. I may have just revealed too much, but I tell you what, a man that appreciates plain white cotton is a man to keep around for a while. Trust me. Marcy apparently agrees with me, because she says, "No way!" and pulls up a swatch of bright white undies to show Dave. Dave goes, "Dude!" and gives Marcy a glimpse of his white boxers. I want both of them, right this minute, to get the hell out of this Victoria's Secret and go make out in a booth in the back of a Denny's. Now. NOW, I SAY!