Everyone takes their seats for the table read as Rob makes an announcement introducing Shawn Shapiro, the new producer. There's just no easy way to put this. She's scary. I'm trembling right now. She's got on these nasty-ass thick-rimmed trendo glasses, a black sleeveless top that's doing absolutely NOTHING for her gargantuan arms, black sheer stockings, and black ankle boots that remind me of that scene in Flashdance where the Jennifer Beals dance-double is up on stage in nothing but some skimpies and a smile and she's wearing boots JUST LIKE THESE. In short, THEY'RE WAAAAAY OUT OF STYLE.
Shapiro says that she's looking forward to doing some terrific work with everyone. Hairless says to Kev in an aside, "Man, I'd like to get a piece of her so-called ass." Then Kev hands Hairless a chamois with which to dry the drool that's dripping down his chin. Rob wants to dive right into the script, but Kev informs him that Johnny's not present. Shapiro goes apeshit on this one. She's all klimpy and insulted and asks if anyone wants to read the role of "Brad." Dave practically leaps across the table and licks Shapiro's feet for this opportunity. After Shapiro gives him the go-ahead, Dave takes a seat next to Tori2, and the table read begins. Shapiro starts reading the script, and she's so self-important that I just want to grab a big, wet carp and smack her with it. Hunter kind of handles this task for me when she just lets loose with a gaping yawn and doesn't even bother to hide it.
Time passes, and we're onto some scene wherein Tori2/Kim and Dave/Brad are "basking in the afterglow." Ew. Dave's reading the scene and, dammit, he's really good. Which, I suppose, is the point. He's infinitely better than Johnny, that much is clear. Tori2 is really responding to him as he reads, and he's so damn cute that I just want to crawl inside my TV and suck on his earlobe. Whoops. Sorry. Lost control there for a second. Where's the phone? I might need to order me up a little late afternoon delivery from the boyfriend...
Johnny arrives just in time to be complete asshole. The moment is lost, the scene is over, and Dave has to return to being an undiscovered genius. Dickless picks up where Dave left off and clearly has his head firmly entrenched in his ass. He reads the scene with all the emotion and finesse of a horny corduroy-chasing badger, all while stuffing a jelly-filled donut into his cavernous maw. Tori2 valiantly goes on with the scene, stopping when her character says, "Brad, I think I just had my first..." Tori2 looks around and barely squeaks out, "Orgasm." Dickless, being all cock and no consciousness, straightens up and hollers, "Whoa! Brad da man!" and does this little victory dance that actually is pretty damn funny. Shapiro doesn't think so, however, and says so. I'd repeat what she said, but I just don't like her, so I won't. Shapiro instructs Tori2 to read her last line again. Tori2 would rather cultivate organic wheat in outer Siberia than say "orgasm" again, but she does it anyway.