Rob walks up and shoves the standards notes that he sneakily intercepted into Shapiro's hands and pretends that they just arrived. Yawn. Stretch. Drink some soda. Light a cigarette. Do anything but pay attention to this stupid scene. Suffice it to say that they're supposed to shoot the scene in two hours, the standards people want them to exclude the words "orgasm," "Coca-Cola," and "pudenda" from the script, Shapiro's all indignant and won't change a single word, Rob pretends to back her up, Shapiro stalks off, Rob calls up Joan and Hairless eats a banana while bugging Rob about "Stone" keeping "Becky" satisfied. And then it's over and I can stop putting my hands over my ears and going "LA LA LA LA LA LA."
In the make-up trailer, Courtney pops in to check on the O progress with Tori2. Things are not happy in O-land, it would seem. Tori2 tried watching the Spice channel like Courtney suggested, but she couldn't get into it because she kept thinking how demeaning it was and the dialogue was terrible. Right. Because that's where I go when I want top-notch dialogue. The Spice Channel. Riiiiiiight.
On the way to the set, Courtney runs into Kev and asks him to pick something up for her. She writes a model number on a piece of paper and asks that Kev have the item gift-wrapped. Um. I don't think my vibrator even HAS a model number, and if it did, I sure as hell wouldn't know it by heart. Sometimes the characterizations on this show baffle me. I mean, one week Hunter's a raving bitch, the next she's sweet and helpful. One week Courtney's a clueless Okie, the next she's some sort of sex therapist. The hell?
On the set, Dickless is getting his torso made up while Richard salivates nearby. Dickless is bitching that he's going to talk to his agent about Shapiro and her whole naked-Johnny obsession. Richard, who of course is digging the whole naked-Johnny turn the show has taken, defends Shapiro heartily. Note to Darren Star: Lose the skeevy father figure, okay? Trust me.
The director calls places, and Dickless enters wearing a little flesh-colored bathing suit and takes his place at the front of a classroom with a huge plastic sword and shield. Hunter, Tori2, Courtney, and Hairless all stare at him in bemused shock. Hunter giggles behind her hand as Courtney and Hairless exchange tittering glances. Johnny's not pleased with this reaction. Suddenly, Dickless has developed modesty. He brings the scene to a halt and calls Shapiro over. Johnny's not understanding why a kid with a 3.9 GPA would be doing nude modeling. He thinks the scene makes no sense. Neither do I. But then, ninety-five percent of all Darren Star shows make no sense. Johnny feels exploited because he's naked in practically every scene. Shapiro basically tells him to can it. "Girls wear bikinis and lingerie on television every day of the week. So, why don't you go home and cry into your big bag o' money." BWA HA HA.