Grosse Pointe

Episode Report Card
Erin: D | Grade It Now!
It's Called A Vibrator, Honey. Look It Up.

Kev walks up with the network broadcast standard notes, and Rob furtively nabs them before Shapiro can see them. I'm not really sure what the hell's going on with this lame little Rob/Shapiro subplot, but since it has absolutely nothing to do with Tori2 and her orgasmless life, I don't really give a damn. Hairless slimes up and offers up a little nudie Stone action. Shapiro basically shoots him down.

Back over in O-land, Courtney exits the cafe that she entered with her fan, and she's carrying a small pink bakery box. Hunter and Tori2 are waiting on her. Courtney apologizes that she couldn't go in. She suggests Tori2 order one from a catalogue. Hunter wisely points out that the catalogue will then have Tori2's credit card number AND real home address -- not a smooth move, dude. Tori2 whines that she's too famous to have an orgasm, and we cut to commercial. FINALLY. Jesus! Was this the longest first half of an episode EVER? I'm at five fucking pages already and IT'S NOT EVEN OVER.

After the commercial, Dave and Shapiro are walking across the lot as Dave expounds upon how noticeably better the show is now that Shapiro's on the scene. Shapiro's sporting a pair of markedly hideous exploding-flower pants and a low-cut cleavage top that completely negates the "smart-girl" glasses she insists on wearing. Listen. I'm not a big girl. I'm not a small girl. I'm your average size six. And I wouldn't be caught DEAD in this fucking outfit. Her thunder thighs are threatening to take over the soundstage, man! And if that top were any tighter, I'd be able to read the label on her damn bra. I'm not kidding. She must have been very bad in a former life in order to be punished by this fugly get-up. Oh, and Dave's wearing a tank top. Thank you, Darren Star. Thank you.

Over by Johnny's trailer, Shapiro stops by and offers Dave the chance to play Laura's cousin from West Virginia. Finally! Dave grabs a break! As Shapiro walks off, Johnny comes out of his trailer and wants to know what Dave was talking to her about. When Dave informs him that Shapiro's giving him a part on the show, Johnny tells him that he better start working on his overall tan because Shapiro's a perv. God, he's a dipshit. Dave's so happy with his good luck that not even Johnny's dimwittedness can bring him down. Kev scoots by in the background, shoving along an office chair. Johnny calls out, "Hey! Cool chair. Whose is it?" Kev tells him that it's Shapiro's and that it's for her office. Then he jumps up onto the chair and rides it off-screen, and I scramble for the remote so I can play that back over and over and over again, because it's just goddamn hilarious.

Johnny states that he wants a chair like that. Dave reminds him that, seeing as he doesn't have a real job, he doesn't have a real office and therefore doesn't require a real chair. Johnny doesn't give a shit. To quote Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, "I want it now, Daddy. Give it to me now, Daddy." Johnny tells Dave to call the studio furniture guy and find out if he can get one of those chairs. Dave responds that he's not Johnny's secretary. Johnny tells Dave that he's living in his trailer rent-free. Dave, now totally exasperated, wonders why Johnny's bringing him down and wants to know why Johnny can't just be happy that Dave's finally getting a break. Johnny wants to know why he can't be happy AND have a cool chair. There were far more "dudes" and "mans" in there and, truly, I don't even know why I even included this scene, since it's kind of lame. I guess I just wanted to clarify that Johnny was, is, and shall always be an utter fuckstain.

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Grosse Pointe




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