Grosse Pointe
Secrets And Lies

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Shalom means never having to say "I love you"

Hairless is worried about the party because this birthday is a BIG ONE. "Right," says Rob, "you're turning thirt --" "TWENTY-SEVEN!" Hairless practically screams. "Gettin' up there," he continues. "And people make such a ta-do in this town about age. But look who I'm talkin' to. You must be peeing your pants." Rob decides against bludgeoning Hairless with a nearby prop and instead says, "Well, luckily, I'm not playing a high-school student." Hairless ignores this little jibe and says, "But if the crew still wants to buy me a present, I've had my eye on this bitchin' pair of leather Gucci pants at Barneys. I even put 'em on hold, you know, just in case." I have to note something here. During this scene, a couple of crew members are standing directly behind Quentin and Rob. When Quentin says his thing about the crew buying him a present, the two crew guys hear this, take one look at Quentin, and beat holy HELL outta there. It's not really that important, but after a third watching, I was laughing my heinie off. Anyway, Hairless walks off, and Rob makes this hilarious "what in the FUCK is in this guy's head?" face and approaches Kevin. "I thought he was twenty-seven last year?" Rob wonders out loud. "Yeah," says Kev. "Third year in a row."

Meanwhile, Marcy and Hunter are tooling around the lot in a golf cart. "I thought you didn't like Dave," Schmarce queries. "I don't," says Hunter, touching her body in a manner which suggests she's just had rockin' sex. "That's why it's perfect for me. He's great in bed and plus, I don't have to get too involved. What could be better than that?" "Uh, I don't know," says Schmarce. "Maybe falling in love and having a real connection with someone and being happy?" Hunter, to whom all of these concepts are implicitly foreign, says, "Oooh, and maybe I'll just squeeze out a few spiky-haired babies while I'm at it. I don't think so." Whee. Schmarce pleads with Hunter not to hurt Dave because, deep down, when he's not stickin' it to Hunter, he's a really sensitive guy. "Relax," says the Barracuda. "He'll be fine. He's a big boy." Hunter pauses for emphasis as she gets out of the cart. "And I do mean 'BIG.'" Well, there's another mystery solved.

Later that day, the kids are shooting a scene. Brad and Becky enter as Laura is talking to Stone. Laura sees them out of the corner of her eye. "Oh God," she says, turning away, "It's Beauty and the Bitch." She turns back around and greets the twins. It would seem that Brad, ever the stand-up guy, told Becky about Laura's little extracurricular activities in the skin trade. What follows is a little bitch-a-thon between Becky and Laura regarding Stone's defense of Laura's after-school job choice. Brad jumps in and says, "Okay, hey, let's all take a breather and recess the situation." The director calls cut as everyone on the set laughs at Johnny's mistake. Rob walks over and says, "Uh, Johnny, it's 'reassess.'" "Right," says Johnny, "that's what I said." Coco says, "No, you said 'recess.'" "Right. 'Recess,'" says Johnny, whose new nickname is now "Brainless." Coco, borrowing the bitch-banner from Hunter, says, "Reassess. He doesn't even know what the word means."

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Grosse Pointe

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