Grosse Pointe
Secrets And Lies

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Shalom means never having to say "I love you"

Later on the set, Dave's about to walk off when Hunter says, "Hey Dave! Don't go too far! I'll definitely be needing my granola when this scene is over." Dave tells her there's granola in her trailer. Hunter, who is clearly in no need of a high-energy snack, drives her point home using transparent code words and salacious hand gestures. It's very easy to interpret if you just replace "granola" with "sex." "No," she says. "I mean, my other GRANOLA. My special GRANOLA. The kind that relaxes me. It's been a very stressful morning and I'm sure I'll be needing my GRANOLA as soon as this scene is over. In fact, I might even need two servings. So, try not have any on your own." Dave, who clued in about, well, EIGHT HOURS AGO, just looks at Hunter like she's a freakshow. Hairless pipes up and says, "Mmmm. You're making it sound so good, I'd like some a dat GRANOLA myself." Brainless, not wanting to be the odd man out, says, "Dude. Go get me some of that special GRANOLA too." Dave, seriously grossed out at this point, says, "No way, man."

Schmarce and Coco exit a trailer as Schmarce states that she has to get a personal life, because everybody else on the show is having a personal relationship except her. Coco wants to know who's having a relationship. Schmarce answers with a non-covering, "No one." Coco tells Schmarce that they should go out and see Joan Osborne in concert that night. Um, has Joan Osborne even released a new single lately, let alone a new album? I haven't listened to popular radio since about 1998, but I think Coco can get those tickets for cheap. Schmarce tells Coco that she can't go out, because she promised her mom she'd make an appearance at the Shalom House telethon. Coco asks what the Shalom House is. "It's like the Elks Club," says Schmarce, "but for Jews." A trigger must have clicked inside Coco's skull because she says, "Are you...JEWISH?" "You didn't know?" asks Schmarce. "No," says Coco Clueless. "I didn't grow up with many Jews. None, come to think of it. But we did have a deli." Wow. Coco's both stupid AND ignorant? That hardly seems fair. There are millions of other small-town blonde stereotypes out there; does Coco really have to tremble beneath the burden of being one of them? Poor Coco.

Later that night, Marcy's doing her thing at the Shalom House telethon. There's not much to tell about this scene. It's pretty much there just to set up that Schmarce is at the telethon, she's doing her part for Judaism, and, most importantly, she's managed to make it off the damn soundstage for once. So, you just know she's going to meet somebody. I mean, somebody OTHER than Dave, Johnny, Quentin, Courtney, or Hunter.

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Grosse Pointe

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