Grosse Pointe
Secrets And Lies

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Shalom means never having to say "I love you"

Somewhere on the soundstage, Quentin's all up in arms because Rob didn't answer any of his calls last night. "Oh, sorry," says Rob, obviously NOT sorry. "I would have if I'd known it was you." "You gotta get caller ID, man," says Hairless. "Get with it!" "Yeah," says Rob, "I really...do..." As Rob makes a mental note to change his home phone number, Hairless tells him that the birthday party is back on because he just can't live a lie anymore, that he's just gotta be who he is. "I gotta stand up in front of the crew, the other actors and God and say, 'I'm Quentin King and I'm twenty-eight years old!" "Okay," Rob says, praying to Mother Mary that Hairless doesn't burst into song. "All right," says Q under his breath, "I'm thirty. I'm thirty. There. I said it." "Thirty," says Rob. "You're really sure you're THAT old?" This gives Hairless pause. "Lemme give it some more thought and I'll get back to you tomorrow," he says, running off to see if there are any existing copies of his birth certificate lying around that he can have destroyed.

Later, Hunter's lounging around her trailer, still sporting the silly schoolgirl outfit, but with the unwelcome addition of some really heinous furry slippers. Dave enters with her dry cleaning and tells her not get pissed because her cashmere sweater wasn't ready yet. Hunter innocently asks why she'd get mad about a sweater. Dave then tells her that he washed the car and filled up the tank. Wow. That must be the cleanest damn car in Hollywood. The last time Davey washed that thing, it took him about fifty hours. I wonder if it's like infants. You know, you're supposed to feed them, like, every two hours, but it takes, like, two hours to feed them, so it's sort of like you're constantly feeding them and it winds up taking about three days just to get them to eat, like, one jar of pureed cauliflower. I'd better hope and pray I never have kids. They'd probably wind up with a jar of applesauce permanently belted to their maws just so I don't have to keep shoving a spoon in their mouths.

Dave informs Hunter that her cabinets are just chock-full of ginseng tea as well, and it's clear that he wants to leave. Hunter steps forward with a little bag and tells him she went shopping too. She bought Dave a shiny blue shirt. "Wow," says Dave. "Hunter, this is really nice." Hunter minces up to him. "Aren't you gonna kiss me?" she asks. "You told me not to jump you every time we're in your trailer," Dave says. "Don't quote me back to myself," she says. "Just...come here..." And the Barracuda attacks once again.

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Grosse Pointe

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