Grosse Pointe
Secrets And Lies

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Shalom means never having to say "I love you"

Rob realizes that he's going to need some note cards, a pointer, and a detailed diagram in order to explain this properly, so he just shoves the necklace back inside Marcy's turtleneck and tells her to call him at home so they can discuss it. After he walks away, Marcy pulls back her hair, revealing some Star of David earrings. She's a spunky little Jewess, that Marcy.

Later that day, Dave's somewhere on the soundstage, and Schmarce and Hunter walk up to him. Hunter asks Marcy how she likes Dave's shirt. "He almost looks presentable, doesn't he?" snipes Hunter in her best sugary voice. Schmarce tells Hunter that she and Eli are going out that night, and wants to know if Hunter and Dave want to join them. "Marcy," says Hunter, "Dave is my assistant. It's not like we spend our free time together." Dave thanks Marcy for the invitation anyway and starts to move off. Hunter tells him not to go too far, because she may be needing another special GRANOLA session. Dave's all "whatever" and walks off. Schmarce thinks Hunter's being mean. Hunter thinks she's just being honest about her needs. I think Hunter should locate some of that special GRANOLA and shove it up her butt.

Dave's over at the coffee table as Kev runs up. Dave says that he's got to get out of this Hunter thing, because he never knows what she wants from him. Um, Dave? I know I'm not speaking out of turn here when I say, "WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF WOMEN." Wake up, bra! Men NEVER know what women want from them. AND THAT'S JUST HOW WE LIKE IT. Kev says that he should have thought of that before he got "in" there. Heh. "Sorry," says Dave. "I wasn't thinkin' with my brain." "Well," says Kev, "your penis shoulda been a little smarter, then." "Dude," says Dave, grossed out. "Don't say 'penis.'" Kevin warns him to be careful with Hunter, because if he pisses her off, Dave'll be gone faster than you can say "orgasm." Dave thinks he just has to get Hunter to dump him. "Why couldn't it have been Marcy who had a thing for me?" Dave wonders. "Man," he continues, "I wish I was Jewish." "Yeah," says Kev wistfully. "Me too." I've said it before, and I'll say it again: BWA HA HA.

Elsewhere on the soundstage, Hairless runs up to Rob and tells him the party's off because he just can't handle it. Rob wants to know why. "You're right," says Hairless. "It's on. On. ON!" "Okay," says Rob, wondering if that whole Hunter restraining-order ploy will work for him, "it's on." "Great," says Hairless. "And I'm twenty-nine." He gives Rob a double thumbs-up and runs off. I'm feeling for old Robbo here. I really am.

Inside Hunter's trailer, Dave's saying that he wants to go to Quentin's party with Hunter, as if they were a couple. Since Hunter's wearing an off-the-shoulder sweatshirt in a definite homage to Flashdance, I'd say that Dave's been stricken blind at some point and doesn't see that Hunter looks like a fucking idiot. The Eighties. Legwarmers. "Maniac." Jennifer Beals. It's been done. And there's a reason it went away. Let's keep that in mind, shall we? "Look," says Hunter, "I told you. I want this to be a secret. I'm not looking for a boyfriend." "I know you said that," says Dave, "and I thought I could handle it. But I can't. I don't want to be your sex slave, Hunter." Hunter tells him that this was the agreement and promptly bends over to make her, em, point. Dave, staring at her perky posterior, almost reconsiders his plan, but comes to his senses. He says that the whole "sex slave" thing isn't working for him anymore. Hunter tells him that she can't be in an actual relationship with her assistant and tells him that it's over. "Dave," she says, "you're really good in bed, but what I need in my life right now is someone who can run errands for me. So, can you be a sweetie and get me a carrot beet juice with a wheatgrass chaser?" "I understand," says Dave, moving toward the door. "Hunter, you're great. But I think you have some serious, like, intimacy issues. I just hope that someday, you let someone in. Because I would hate to see a beautiful person like you...wind up alone." And he delivers this last line in such a way that, if we didn't already know it, tells us that not only has this entire little scene been concocted just to get Hunter to dump him, but that Dave should really get a chance to be on Grosse Pointe, because he's a damn fine actor. Hunter dismisses him with, "Yeah, yeah. Beet juice." Dave exits, and Hunter has a little moment of regret. Probably because she's just realized that Dave's a far better actor than she is.

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Grosse Pointe

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