Grosse Pointe
Sleeping With The Enemy

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How Courtney Love Kept Her Hefty Bag On

In the theater, Quentin and Hunter make out. Tori2 walks in with Dave, telling him that just because she has to stand through the movie, that doesn't mean he has to. She has the little transparent straps across her front, keeping her dress from bursting open like an overripe pea pod. The straps look like clear elastic. I have some of that stuff in my sewing room. My wardrobe options have just expanded. I'm going to the thrift store formal rack after this. The clerks at the convenience store are in for a treat. Dave opts for practicality instead of chivalry, agreeing that he should sit in case he falls asleep. Hunter breaks away from Quentin's lips, giving him a Tic Tac before she goes. Dave sits behind Quentin and expresses his confusion, saying that he thought Quentin was "doing Hunter's mom." Quentin says, "That's a lie. I'm gonna fire Kevin's ass." Dave tells him to relax because no one cares. Quentin says that they'll care that he's at the premiere with Hunter. He bets they'll make the cover of Teen People. Well, that's as noble an aspiration as any, I guess. "Plus, later tonight, I get to nail her!" Quentin gloats, smiling into the distance. Dave thought they hated each other. "There's a thin line between love and hate," instructs Quentin. "It's called angry sex."

From her post against the wall, Tori2 expresses surprise at Hunter's behavior. Hunter plays it all off, saying that Quentin broke up with Helena and that she and Quentin are now a couple. "Stand up straight. You're starting to wrinkle," she adds before going back to her seat. Tori2 hauls herself back into a vertical position as the theater lights dim. Everyone applauds at the ridiculous opening scene of Johnny running down the street in his fedora.

Some time during the middle of the movie, Quentin murmurs to Hunter that he booked a suite at the Mondrian so their first time would be special. She pretends to be excited. Dave glares at the screen, shaking his head in disgust. Johnny shushes Quentin, who is kissing Hunter too noisily. On the big screen, a villain yells, "That bag of fleas just pissed on my leg!" Johnny cracks up, and Courtney smiles politely. Weary Tori2 sits down, causing a loud rip. She gasps and puts a hand over a breast. In the movie, the dog gets shot. Johnny tears up as he watches, and Courtney comforts him. Onscreen, Johnny screams, "No-o-o!" as the camera pulls back overhead in satirical homage to that classic scene from some movie or other. Courtney hugs Johnny, who takes the opportunity to slobber on her breasts. The lights come up and Courtney stalks out, furious. Johnny follows, barely acknowledging Tori2's compliment on his performance. Dave walks up, scoffing about Johnny's crappadelic acting. Tori2 begs him for his jacket. "I'm not wearing any underwear and if I stand up, I'll be naked!" she says. She puts on his jacket and stands, catching her dress as it pools around her ankles. Dave manages to smile instead of laughing his ass off.

Outside the theater, Johnny poses for pictures. In the background, Quentin dips Hunter for a big kiss. The photographers rush over to them and they vogue hilariously. "Hello, Quentin! Hello, everyone!" bellows Helena from across the way. The cameras turn to catch her looking like hell in a red pleather dress straight from The Wild, Wild West. She's wearing a black garter-looking thing around her neck, too. Hunter whispers furiously to Quentin, who suggests that maybe Helena didn't get his note. Helena toasts everyone and then slugs back the champagne while Hunter warily watches. Hunter, have you looked into the local Al-A-Teen meetings? Just wondering.

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Grosse Pointe

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