Dickless just laughs and laughs. "What's so funny?" Dave asks. "Dude," says Dickless. "No offense but, they're not gonna pick you." Dave wants to know why. Dickless responds that this Dustin guy has to be hot enough that Kim will be tempted, even though she's been blessed with the hot holy angel that is Brad. Dave argues that plenty of girls think he's hot. I would have to concur. Just have a gander at the Grosse Pointe boards, people. Trust me. Dave's admirers (of which I am one) aren't nearly as scary as the David Duchovny Estrogen Brigade, but they are equally as fervent. Dickless just snorts in response to Dave's statement. "Whatever, dude," snaps Dave. "Can you help me practice my lines?" "Maybe later, dude," says Johnny. "I'm doing this right now." At which point he promptly spins the scooter, flails, and falls flat on the ground. Dave is disgusted. I pee myself.
In Rob's office, a big hunk of meat is auditioning for the part of Dustin. A sampling of the dialogue his beefy lips must utter? All righty then. You asked for it.
Dustin: "Chaos theory states that if a butterfly flaps its wings in Grosse Pointe, it'll eventually cause a hurricane in Hawaii."
Kim: "Yeah. I've heard that."
Dustin: "Well, imagine what would happen in Hawaii if the two of us hooked up. How 'bout it Kim? It's a long bus ride home."
Sweet holy Jesus on a saltine cracker.
Rob thanks Meat, and Meat clomps off in search of a brontosaurus burger. Rob turns to his casting assistant, whom I shall refer to as "Fancy," and announces that he thinks Meat is their man. Fancy isn't so sure. It would appear that Fancy doesn't think Meat is sexy enough. Rob's all, "He's really sexy! What, you don't think he's sexy?" And Fancy's all, "His ass is a little flat." And I'm all, "Hank4, turn around and let me see your ass. No, no reason, I just need to see something. Okay, as long as you're up, go get me another Diet Coke."
Fancy's wondering why Rob's letting Dave read for the part of Dustin. Rob informs him that it's just a courtesy read. Sounds like every damn "read" I ever participated in when I was unfortunate enough to be involved in the acting world. Although "rude read" might describe them more accurately. Anyway, Dave enters and reads the sad excuse for a scene and even though this scene sucks ostrich eggs, Dave comes off as genuinely sweet and sexy and sincere. Of course, Rob's far too moronic to catch onto Dave's innate talent and attractiveness, so after he dismisses Dave, he turns to Fancy and restates his original opinion that Meat is their man. Fancy just looks after Dave and says, "Now, that ass on the other guy would work." I predict a brilliant potential future for Fancy. He's already stolen the scene right out from under Rob the Retardo. And he did it without even breaking a nail.