Once again, my apologies for the tardiness of this recap. My excuses include my mother and her double mastectomy, Dell Computer Corporation and how they deserve to die, and a monitor screen that spent three weeks looking for all the world like an African Zebra. So it's late. So I'm sorry. So I think I need a cigarette.
So much for apologies...
As the show opens, Dave's actually doing his job. I mean, the other job he has besides screwing Hunter on a regular basis. He's wearing his "Johnny Stand-in" sign and standing next to Coco's stand-in who, it must be said, looks alarmingly old, like she's a divorced mother of four who's still trying to "make it" in Hollywood and this is the only gig she could get. Kev walks up and tells Dave that he's managed to get himself posted in the tabloids. Dave reads the sleazy article out loud as we see some paparazzi photos of Hunter and Dave walking down the street; one of them has Hunter walking behind Dave and grabbing his ass. Ew. Not that I'm not a fan of that; I grab Hank4's ass constantly. I even manage to grab me a little butt at the office, if I'm quick about it. It's just this whole Hunter-and-Dave thing really ooks me out, so her grabbing his ass is rather vomit-inducing.
After reading the article, Dave looks up and says, "Ecth. How'd they even know we'd be there?" Kevin all of a sudden starts shuffling his feet and fiddling with his notebook as he says, "Uh. I dunno...uh..." Lemme guess. Kev tipped off the tabs, right? Right. Like it's not too obvious here. It's a damn good thing Kev's not an actor. He sucks donkey butt.
Hunter races in, calling out Dave's name and shouting that she's got something to show him. "I can't right now," says Dave, almost choking when he's forced to add, "Honey." Dave tells her he's working, to which Hunter responds, "Oh, please. Kevin could you just stand in for Dave for a minute." Kev agrees to stand in for the stand-in, and Dave walks off, mumbling, "I gotta get out of this thing."
He changes his tune about thirty seconds later, however. Hunter and Dave are standing next to a brand-new blue Porsche convertible as Hunter hands Dave a set of keys. "You want me to wash it?" Dave confusedly asks. "No! I want you to drive it!" gushes Hunter. The hell? As one of the GP posters pointed out recently, Hunter started out this season as a self-centered, manic-depressive, emotionally barren kleptomaniac and now she's BUYING PEOPLE CARS? Talk about a rampaging character arc.
Hunter tells Dave that the car is a present for him. Dave looks at Hunter, looks at the car, looks at Hunter again, and starts to say, "Hunter, you're..." and you can only hope he's going to finish with, "...a raving lunatic with waaaaaay too much time on your hands and far too much red lipstick on. We're through. Later." Unfortunately, such is not the case. Instead he just says, "Hunter...you're...the best girlfriend ever." Hunter giggles and embraces Dave as Hank4 looks over at me and, because I know how he thinks, I tell him to give up the dream, he's never getting a Porsche, not even for Valentine's Day, because not only do I think Valentine's Day is a super-lame concept, but I also don't have a spare six figures lying around my bank account and, even though I love and adore him, the most he can expect from me, gift-wise, is probably more along the lines of a colander or a Cartman keychain.