After the credits, Schmarce is standing in front of a three-way mirror, ensconced in a huge white pear-shaped construction. I have NO IDEA what she's wearing or why. The costumer is trying to fit big feathered thingy over this pear-shaped thingy and...oh, no...there's a DUCK HEAD ON THE FLOOR. No, not a REAL duck head, a costume duck head. Coco enters, wearing something slightly less attractive than Schmarce's duck get-up: a blue satin bra that lets us all in on the secret that Coco's got the real things when it comes to boobs, blue satin granny pants, a sheer blue robe and, um, slippers. Schmarce tells Coco that she thinks this monstrosity is pretty. Coco whines, "Yeah, I'll be the prettiest prostitute in East Grosse Pointe." Ding-dong. Hello? Good evening, I'm Officer Rouge from the Fashion Police. You're under arrest for violating Fashion Rule #432: HOOKERS DON'T WEAR GRANNY PANTS. You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to wear Prada
"At least you're not a goose," moans Schmarce. A goose? That head does NOT look like a goose. And what the hell is Schmarce doing dressing up as a goose? As I ponder what kind of script could contain a storyline wherein Schmarce dons a goose suit, I suddenly realize that I've missed most of the dialogue between Schmarce and Coco. I rewind the tape, only to discover that Schmarce thinks hookers are sexy and tragic and that she wishes she could play one because nothing bad ever happens to her, and Coco consoles her by tossing out the reminder of a yeast infection that Schmarce incurred last month, and Schmarce shamefacedly corrects Coco by saying, "I meant on the show." Wow. After that "hookers are kool" comment, I kinda want to hit Schmarcy right now. Maybe I'd just tip her over and let her roll around on the floor in her duck suit while she screams and waves her arms and legs in the air. Yeah. That's the ticket.