Grosse Pointe
The End Of The Affair

Episode Report Card
Erin: B+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Love stinks

Hunter tells Dave that the car is a present for him. Dave looks at Hunter, looks at the car, looks at Hunter again, and starts to say, "Hunter, you're..." and you can only hope he's going to finish with, "...a raving lunatic with waaaaaay too much time on your hands and far too much red lipstick on. We're through. Later." Unfortunately, such is not the case. Instead he just says, "Hunter...you're...the best girlfriend ever." Hunter giggles and embraces Dave as Hank4 looks over at me and, because I know how he thinks, I tell him to give up the dream, he's never getting a Porsche, not even for Valentine's Day, because not only do I think Valentine's Day is a super-lame concept, but I also don't have a spare six figures lying around my bank account and, even though I love and adore him, the most he can expect from me, gift-wise, is probably more along the lines of a colander or a Cartman keychain.

After the credits, Schmarce is standing in front of a three-way mirror, ensconced in a huge white pear-shaped construction. I have NO IDEA what she's wearing or why. The costumer is trying to fit big feathered thingy over this pear-shaped thingy and...oh, no...there's a DUCK HEAD ON THE FLOOR. No, not a REAL duck head, a costume duck head. Coco enters, wearing something slightly less attractive than Schmarce's duck get-up: a blue satin bra that lets us all in on the secret that Coco's got the real things when it comes to boobs, blue satin granny pants, a sheer blue robe and, um, slippers. Schmarce tells Coco that she thinks this monstrosity is pretty. Coco whines, "Yeah, I'll be the prettiest prostitute in East Grosse Pointe." Ding-dong. Hello? Good evening, I'm Officer Rouge from the Fashion Police. You're under arrest for violating Fashion Rule #432: HOOKERS DON'T WEAR GRANNY PANTS. You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to wear Prada…

"At least you're not a goose," moans Schmarce. A goose? That head does NOT look like a goose. And what the hell is Schmarce doing dressing up as a goose? As I ponder what kind of script could contain a storyline wherein Schmarce dons a goose suit, I suddenly realize that I've missed most of the dialogue between Schmarce and Coco. I rewind the tape, only to discover that Schmarce thinks hookers are sexy and tragic and that she wishes she could play one because nothing bad ever happens to her, and Coco consoles her by tossing out the reminder of a yeast infection that Schmarce incurred last month, and Schmarce shamefacedly corrects Coco by saying, "I meant on the show." Wow. After that "hookers are kool" comment, I kinda want to hit Schmarcy right now. Maybe I'd just tip her over and let her roll around on the floor in her duck suit while she screams and waves her arms and legs in the air. Yeah. That's the ticket.

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Grosse Pointe

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