Undeclared
Hal And Hillary

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Hal And Hillary

Thus begins a montage of hellish things being visited upon Lucien. The guys explode some cans of shaving cream, knock on Lucien's door, and flee, so that when he opens it, he's covered. Lucien slips and slides around on all-fours, screaming, "Who did this? WHO?" Cut to Perry lying on the ping-pong table, duct-taped to it. "What happened?" Lucien gapes. Perry glibly answers that his sex temptress is stopping by in five minutes to pleasure him. He doesn't really breathe while delivering the line. Oxygen is your friend, Perry! Drink it in. But it's still funny. When Lucien appears to believe him, Perry shouts, "No, you moron! Untie me!" Lucien scurries off in search of his scissors and finds that his room's been emptied, his sheets knotted into rope, and his furniture hung out the window. He finds a note that says, "Try the vending machine," so he goes there and discovers all his stuff neatly lined up inside it. Freaking, Lucien grabs some money and feeds the machine. "Are you buying a candy bar?" screams Perry. "No, I'm trying to buy my scissors!" wails Lucien, who stops moving and literally holds his breath while waiting to see if his scissors will drop. God, I've been there. There was a whole Seinfeld episode about being there. It's one of life's cruelest tricks: the anti-gravity vending machine.

Cut to Lucien singing in the shower. "…kiss you and hold you, oh Hillary," he sings, off-key. Heath and Steven cut up his jeans and then guiltily bolt out to the lounge, waiting for their prey to mosey out of the shower. Lizzie notices that they're hiding guffaws, and very badly, behind some magazines. Lucien staggers out to his room, holding pieces of denim over his crotch and crack. Steven and Heath are so stupid that they sit there snickering loudly, and it's apparent who the culprit is. Lucien reams them, stopping long enough to grab a towel with his teeth. He kicks Steven out of the dorm. "You're not my dad!" Steven yells. Even worse, Steven: he's yo' daddy. "No, I'm not your dad," Lucien retaliates. "If I was your dad, I'd be nailing Hillary!" He turns to snarl that he's watching Lizzie, too, then pauses. "Buttercup," he simpers. Best line.

Shaggy and Kikuki are facing off -- or rather, DigiKuki and Shagganese are sparring, and their counterparts are speaking confusedly in their own languages. "Why do you ignite your gas?" DigiKuki asks, while Kakuki glares at Shaggy, hurt, her ponytails drooping. "Where is the eel farm?" Shaggy's like, "What the fuck, woman?" DigiKuki says, "You make no sense." Shaggy repeats that, and then Shagganese says, "No, you make no sense." All four voices yell that back and forth, as Shaggy and Kikuki wave the translators around like weapons. "Stop yelling at me!" wails Shaggy.

Steven pouts that Lizzie and Heath were no help at all with Lucien. He mocks Heath, waving his hands around and saying, "Oooh, let's go monkey-shine Lucien's arse," and his exaggerated accent is really funny. Heath chuckles and admits that they "shined it too hard." Steven vows to take Lucien down with him, and Lizzie and Heath delightedly decide they're completely behind him.

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Undeclared

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