Hal And Hillary

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Hal And Hillary

Heath gleefully cranks his stereo, and they drag mattresses down the hall, creating padding at the end of it. P.B. and The Samoan appear and help move the Generic Cold Drinks machine in front of Lucien's door, and they all toss buckets of soapy water onto the linoleum. Everybody slip-'n'-slides.

Shaggy gripes to Ron that Kikuki's really angry, and the more she tries explaining, the less sense she makes. Ron shakes his head and confesses that Rachel stole the translators, and they joined forces to leave rude messages on "Kookooroo's" voice mail. Shaggy stops walking, utterly floored. And just when you think it's because he's angry, Shaggy throws his arms in the air triumphantly and proclaims that Rachel's jealous. He runs off in a horny frenzy, for he thinks he will be feeling some breasts soon. Ron yells, "Where are you going?" and then mutters, "Other than 'nuts'…"

Hillary and Hal calmly undress in her bedroom. She tells him that he should prepare for Steven to be shocked by their affair and decides to role-play, only Hal will play Older Man In The Corner Staring Confusedly At The Crazy Woman, and Hillary will play everyone else. She says Steven might come at him with, "What are you, some kind of freak? Why would you date someone so much younger than you?" Hillary then pretty much goes off the deep end, her calm eroding into wild panic. "Then he'll say, 'Everybody says she's crazy, she's on medication,' and you'll just be like, 'What? She's not crazy…she doesn't take the medication because it makes her sleepy, and gets rid of her sex drive. Oh great, what a life!'" Hillary explains, totally wound up now. "And he'll be like, 'She slept with everyone on the floor, Dad.'…He might just start screaming, 'She's a whore! She tried to sleep with me and I said no, and she's just doing this to try and get back at me,' and you just have to laugh and say, 'What?'" Fantastic stuff, that. Hal seriously just stands there growing more and more skeptical of her sanity, while Hillary goes nuttier than a Snickers.

More slip-'n'-slide. Lizzie goes, and you can tell Carla Gallo didn't get enough momentum, because she slows down halfway there and they have to cut away from her. The Samoan slides across the screen on his belly. Lucien wakes up, hears the sounds of uninhibited joy, and realizes there's a parade that needs some threatening storm clouds overhead. He whips open his door…and encounters the vending machine. "Hey, hey, hey!" he screams.

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