Head Cases
S(elf) Help

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Drunken Bee: B- | Grade It Now!
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S(elf) Help

Law-time courtroom stuff. The prosecution has solid witnesses of the nosy old lady sort. Cut to Schultz cross-examining "the sole eyewitness," a Richard Grieco look-alike, who was apparently injured in the explosion at the dealership. Schultz brings up that Grieco worked late that night with a fellow female employee. When Grieco starts saying it must have been shrapnel that injured him, Schultz goes all "Did you order the code red? Did you order the code red?" and slams his fist on the table: "I submit it was no shrapnel, sir! May I remind you you're under oath?" The judge interrupts to say, "We can do without the theatrics," and Schultz nods his head calmly: "Yeah, that was a little much, wasn't it?" Somehow, between Before That Joke and After That Joke, the Grieco character has decided to come clean, and starts relating how he and his co-worker were in one of the cars "when things began to get kind of heated. She started to, um…" and then trails off. Schultz raises an eyebrow, and finished his testimony for him: "So she, uh, took a trip downtown. And you, uh, presumably, closed your eyes. As any one of us would during such an act." Grieco is apparently so moved by Schultz's accurate depiction that he decides to really spill the beans: "When the explosion went off, she clamped down." Reaction shots of all the men in the courtroom moaning in discomfort. I sort of can't believe what a sausage fest this whole show has become. Schultz is really killing here, as he brings his randy litigating to a close: "You couldn't possibly have seen my client at all, isn't that right?" Reaction shots of Jason and Ass Face totally loving on Schultz, with one shot of the Li'l Mrs. in an attempt to de-gayify the whole scene. Doesn't work. And I am not complaining.

Commercials. Nicole walks up to her cubicle to find it full of boxes of chocolates and a note typed on her computer screen: "Help!! I need you. Fading fast, J." He really meant, "My heterosexuality seems to be fading, and I need a beard," but just didn't have time to type all that before security threw him out again.

The R.V. of Manly Love. Really grossly miked toilet flushing sound, and Lou comes out all surgeon's hands saying, "Finally gave in to the lure of the Rampager?" I guess that's what they're calling it these days. Schultz comes in and remarks that its "kinda gamey in here." This is why I love this show: enough gayness to keep my inner fag hag happy, enough hetero man-bonding over poo to keep my inner eight-year-old boy happy. I don't know why it didn't find an audience. Fag hags and eight-year-old boys? That's quite a demographic arc, if you ask me. Law, law, law. This proves that there is no setting wacky enough to distract from the boringness of legal dialogue. Schultz has discovered that Ken's alibi is 99% "li" and only .5% each of "a" and "bi." Holy shit, that was tortured. His alibi is a fake. There, that's better.

Attorney Ken's Beach Bungalow. The Sphincter is contracting over why he provided a fake alibi. And we can take a moment to notice that the girl cast as Madeleine has pretty much just sat, looking worried, next to the Human Asshole for a Head this entire episode. There is no alibi, and Jason impugns Brown Betty's veracity, almost inciting a fight from which he would surely emerge covered in poo. Jason also funnily exclaims, "Oh, does Mr. Peace want to get into it now?" I love that line because it sounds exactly like something my dad would say about any given hippie. Oh, it turns out that Jason was "applying that anger technique" to show the Poo Mouth that he can't be so hotheaded during the trial. More law, more law. Begging by the woman, and the scene slowly fades out to…

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Head Cases

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