Head Cases
S(elf) Help

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Drunken Bee: B- | Grade It Now!
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S(elf) Help

Noooooooo! Crazy careening camera transition! How could we make it through two entire commercial breaks without one crazy careening transition, only to be subjected to it now? It is nighttime now, which I NEVER would have gotten just from the fact that it is dark on the screen, and Schultz and Lou are eating dinner, and so I am so very thankful about the careening transition. Apparently Lou was a bank robber, in addition to being a civil rights lawyer, but I guess we'll never know much more about that wacky character trait. Schultz sighs over not having a particular defense or alibi and then concludes, "You know what we gotta do." Lou helpfully fills in the blank: "Blame it on the other guy." And then they commence casting about for a possible stooge. Schultz decides that he wants to go visit the other elves on the hunch that given a group of environmental activists, somebody has to have an arrest record.

Establishing shot of a suburban home. In the basement, a number of uber-nerds play video games and read comics. At least a few of them appear to be drinking forties, and when one decides to pour some out for unspecified "fallen homies," King Uber-Nerd says, "Dude, could you please not spill on my mom's carpet?" Schultz tries to get them to dish about illegal activities, sharing that one time back in the day he and a bunch of elves intercepted a shipment of furs and dumped it in Long Beach Harbor. The tree huggers seem scared by this anecdote. So Lou steps in with a story about being in college, getting wasted, and chopping down a thousand-year-old tree before Schultz remarks, "Good story, Lou. Wrong crowd," as the geeks look on in tie-dyed horror. Schultz tries again to get them to talk about their "stunts" when the King Geek comes down carrying a tray with oven mitts: "Check it out! Soy muffins!" Even though The Simpsons paved this satiric road like fifteen years ago, I'll never tire of making fun of hippies, so I've enjoyed this scene. As Schultz gets up to leave, the head of the gang urges that he take "a soy muffin. For the road," to which Schultz responds, "Is that the name of your autobiography?" Ha! Double ha, since one of my pastimes is coming up with autobiography titles for my friends. My favorite so far has been for my friend Dan, whose autobiography will be titled My Mother the Remora. But perhaps I've gotten off point here. Schultz concludes that these guys are pansies who "couldn't blow up a sex doll," tells Lou they should find out if "pretty boy has any ideas," and then bids the pansies a "peace out."

Another crazy careening transition! Jason meets the Li'l Mrs. at an outdoor coffee shop. She hands him an envelope that turns out to contain records of gambling debts that she found in her parents' office. I pretend like I didn't call this from minute two. Jason warns her that these sheets might send her father to prison, and she tearfully says, "Ken is my husband." This episode has definitely taught me many things today, and hopefully it has you too. Most of all, it is my wish that this episode has taught college-age women not to marry the environmentally-conscious goobers they all date during their sophomore year.

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Head Cases

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