Head Cases
S(elf) Help

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S(elf) Help

Attorney Ken's Beach Bungalow. Thundercats, ho! The three have collected back at their meeting place to discuss how to find Bastard Dad's bookie. Lou thinks he knows who the bookie is, but is skeptical of Jason's insistence that the bookie testify in court: "They tend to be shy, but I'll try." Schultz cajoles, "Lou? Remember what Yoda said," and Lou answers, "Do or do not. There is no try." Aaand in the space of just a few sentences I have written about Barbie and Ken, Thundercats, and Yoda. This show has officially made me regress. Lou leaves, and Schultz asks Jason if he really thinks Bastard Dad did this. Jason answers, "Does it matter?" and we are supposed to be shocked that he is displaying such ambivalence about right and wrong. All right, I'm "shocked."

Commercials. Out front of the Beach Bungalow. Nicole rushes up to Jason, babbling, "If I am going to work for you, I need you to understand. I am glad you are going through whatever it is you are going through. I mean you do seem much better… Unfortunately I live in the real world," and then proceeds to try to get the meaning of this through his well-insulated head. She has student loans, a mortgage, night classes, blah blah blah. When Jason tries to sell her on what! fun! this! will! be! she interrupts to say she isn't looking for an adventure. She just needs a steady paycheck, of the same amount she currently makes. She continues on, making strident demands like "no work on Sunday or Tuesday nights" but then qualifying those demands, "Unless, of course, it's an emergency." Oh, women! They're such pushovers! Jason asks her to start right then, and she and her incredibly thin ankles follow him into the Bungalow.

Inside the bungalow. Schultz storms into Jason's office and seethes through clenched teeth that "that Hawkins and Bates chick is in there organizing my office." They play a little game of "My Secretary Is Better Than Yours" and it turns out that Jason does know that Lou spent five years in Attica for bank robbery. Why is it always Attica? Schultz pleads with Jason to just keep her out of his office, "cuz she's color-coding stuff."

Schultz's office. Nicole is wearing cleaning gloves and disposing of moldy Chinese food containers. Oh, women! They go to college so that they can become secretaries and clean up after men! They are so sweet! Nicole interrupts Schultz's insistence that he doesn't need her to tell him that she "found this under a pair of pants." Apparently it's something that needs to be filed downtown that day. Lou walks in on them and gets a bit jealous: "Well, well. The future Mrs. Schultz?" Oh, women! Whenever they elbow their way into a boys' club it's to probably marry, or at least sleep with, one of the guys! They're such grasping sluts! Schultz hands Lou the unfiled document and tells him to "get your head in the game." Nicole hopes Lou isn't in trouble. Oh, women! College-educated and still worrying about "getting in trouble" with their bosses. They are so amenable to authority! Lou also tells Nicole to stay out of Schultz's office, saying that "we don't need your big-firm tricks around here, missy." One half of a "heh."

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Head Cases

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