Helix
Fushugi

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 12 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Impending Death Is the Best Cosmetic

Feartura font: Day 10. We begin with Sarah wearing a fetchingly short hospital gown and being strapped to a table, courtesy of her boss/one-night-stand. Alan lets her know he's also on to her tumor.

OK – permit me a digression here. I have a benign brain tumor, and I get annual MRIs to make sure it is not turning into something else. At no time have I ever had the vaguely kinky minidress-and-manacles MRI. Every time I get an MRI, I'm usually in scrubs and a medical gown, I'm covered in a nice warm blanket, I get an eye mask to keep the lights from bugging me, I've got earplugs in to muffle the sound and – this is perhaps the most important part -- I am not cuffed to the table like a convict. So none of this is ringing true for me.

Although I will admit that perhaps the eye mask is why I've never personally witnessed a vector leaping on top of the MRI machine, then killing someone in front of me. So maybe what Sarah just saw is possible. I can't say.

SWERVE! It turns out Sarah was just hallucinating the whole thing.

Cut to Hatake explaining to Julia that apparently he and Jaye were True Love for Always until she found out about his unfortunate habit of abducting and experimenting on Inuit children. Then Jaye ran off and barred Hatake from seeing Julia – "but I have looked after you in my own way," he adds, not at all creepily. Julia's all, "We're going to put a pin in that because I would like to return to the whole stolen-children thing?" Hatake points out that most were rehomed with infertile couples, but Julia just can't get over the word most in that sentence. I just want to know what made Miksa/Daniel so special he got to hang around, and if he's going to start displaying weird little traits because he survived the experiments.

Julia then asks what the deal with the silver eyes is, and Hatake feeds her a load of BS. She calls him on it and he protests, "I'm trying to protect you." I wish this show would have outlined exactly what is out there where "Being trapped in the arctic north with an ex-husband, an army of goo-spitting vectors and the Ilaria corporation" qualifies as protection.

Alan breaks the news to Sarah about how her cancer is now serious TV cancer, and we can tell she's near death's door because her hair and skin look seriously fantastic. Only on TV will people who are minutes from death have glossy hair and glowy skin like this.

Meanwhile, back at Anana's, Balleseros and Anana are forced to stop their sexy squabbling when Daniel comes back and acts like a buzzkill by getting Balleseros to admit that Ilaria is likely going to hunt down and kill everyone in the village in order to make sure nobody talks. Because apparently things like radios and/or satellite connections to the Internet don't exist and don't need to be talked about or dismissed with a line like "It's too bad Ilaria's already fried our transceiver array so we can't even get a final message out." Ugh, DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING HERE?

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Helix

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