Hell on Wheels
Hell on Wheels

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C | 822 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
I Choo-Choo-Choose Vengeance

Nebraska Territory. Lily and Robert are quietly making love in their tent. At least that's what I think they're doing. It's dark and they both look fully clothed. She's lying flat on top of him like she's posing for a planking shot. She moans softly and then it seems to be over. Robert coughs. "I fear this cough will be the death of me," he says. Obviously he hasn't read ahead in the script. Lily doesn't like him talking like that. She starts singing him a wordless little melody.

The next morning, a group of Cheyenne warriors advance on the survey team's camp. One of the team goes to take a leak outside his tent when there's a faint whoosh and then a dull thud behind him. A spot of blood appears on the front of the man's shirt. He looks confused as he grabs his belly. An arrow has passed clean through him and stuck in a wooden cart behind him. His wound begins to pour. A second arrow pierces his neck and he falls to the ground. The camp is plunged into battle. Robert, seeing the fighting outside his tent, quickly gathers up the survey maps. He and Lily run into the woods as the rest of the team are shot and scalped. Robert wheezes and struggles to keep up with his wife. A Cheyenne follows them. Robert falls, coughing. Lily tries to quiet him, but it's no use. The Cheyenne finds them and clubs Robert over the head. Lily braces herself against a tree, holding up her hand as the Cheyenne readies his bow. The arrow goes through her palm and shoulder, pinning her to the tree behind her.

Robert jumps up and grabs the Cheyenne from behind. Robert gets him in a headlock. Lily yanks the arrow from the various layers of her own body. The Cheyenne manages to unsheathe a knife and gut Robert like a fish. Lily lets out an animal scream and charges the Cheyenne, knocking him to the ground. And then she stabs him with his own arrow, right in the throat. She's the biggest bad ass on the show so far. Her attacker thus dispatched, she goes to Robert. With the last of his strength, he places her hand on the survey maps, his meaning clear. Lily hears the whooping of approaching Cheyennes. She kisses her dead husband, takes the knife from his gut, takes the maps, and runs.

Hell on Wheels. Day is dawning. Everyone is hungover or dying or both. Johnson starts the day with a swig of whiskey and wakes Cullen, who's passed out in the saloon from the night before. He looks up, bleary eyed and oozing drool down his chin. That's kind of how I felt halfway through watching this episode.

Hell on Wheels

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