Hell on Wheels
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
I Choo-Choo-Choose Vengeance

Things start off promisingly enough with a black, smoke-filled screen and twangily ominous music. Some helpful prologue catches us up on what's what in Washington, D.C., 1865. "The war is over, Lincoln is dead. The nation is an open wound." The smoke lifts to reveal tree-lined dirt roads with the Capitol building in the background. A bedraggled Union soldier shuffles towards us, stopping when he hears the somber ringing of bells. He takes off his hat and makes his way into a church. In a confessional, a man says, "Unburden yourself, my son." The soldier, breathing hard and sweating, says that he was with General Sherman on his march South. "What we did... evil, unspeakable things," he says. It was so terrible he can't speak in complete sentences. The bearded man on the other side of the partition offers that he was a soldier following orders. The soldier tearfully explains it was more than that. "We opened a dark door, and the devil stepped in," he says. That's why you're supposed to look through the peephole first.

His audience of one encourages him to confess, but the soldier can't quite bring himself to do it. "Tell me about Meridian," the bearded man says. The soldier looks up, surprised. "How do you know about Meridian?" he asks. The partition slides open. The bearded man raises a revolver and shoots the soldier in the forehead. Blood spatters across the back of the confessional and the soldier slumps onto the church floor. The bearded man kicks open the confessional door with a boot-clad foot. He stands over the dead soldier, gun still in his hand. He takes his time moseying out of the church as a few patrons and a nun scramble to get out of his way. The bearded man pauses for a moment, gives a considering look to a large crucifix above the door. "Hm," he says. He looks like James Brolin and Jonathan Frakes somehow had a baby together. And then didn't teach him any damned conversation skills! How was the fool supposed to tell him about Meridian with a bullet in his head?

The opening credits roll, accompanied by a fast, twangy soundtrack that promises a knee-slapping good time. The promise won't be kept.

We chug along to an investment meeting for the Union Pacific Railroad. Colm Meaney as Thomas "Doc" Durant speaks to an audience of mostly older gentlemen in severe black suits. Doc proposes that it will be the building of a glorious transcontinental railroad that heals the nation. He speaks with the bravado of a carnival barker. "Mark my words, gentlemen, it will be built," he says. "The only question which remains is which one of you will join me in this mad... noble quest?" The gentlemen puff on their cigars and look a bit uncomfortable. "Who among you will have to say in years hence that he stood idly by as this nation became an empire?" Someone gives him a nickel to play the ring toss game. He goes on blustering a bit more until he finally stirs up these men's patriotic emotions. Applause breaks out among the gathering. Doc smiles and rocks back on his heels, puffy with pride. A silver-haired gentleman in the front row seems especially taken with him. "Bravo," he says quietly.

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Hell on Wheels

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