Hell's Kitchen
11 Chefs Compete, Part 1

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Burns, Baby, Burns

Ramsay tells the teams to "fuck off" but as they leave he makes sure to award Christina three stars, which she appreciates. Kimmie explains that Red team is confident because of the way they're destroying Blue. Meanwhile Patrick is pissed at Royce for suggesting him for elimination, which he calls a punk-ass move.

And the next day, Kimmie performs a rap she wrote, which is apparently a thing that she does. And it's horrible enough for us to hear, with at least some beats underneath it, so I can't even imagine the a cappella version. Royce is similarly unimpressed, so goddamn you , Kimmie, for making me agree with Royce on something!

The teams gather in the kitchen for the next challenge, and Ramsay blathers on in front of a big gold curtain for a while before revealing what's behind it: A big slot machine, engineered to deliver random ingredients to one member from each team at a time for a steak dish. But since Red has more players, they first have to decide who sits this one out. Obviously, no one wants to volunteer to sit out, so this is the cliffhanger we're going to commercial on.

Except when we come back, Kimmie does just that, with some excuse that's it pointless to have everyone (except her, of course) bickering with each other. "They want to show off their [bleep], let 'em show it," she says. Because why would you want to show off your cooking skills during a cooking competition, I guess.

Patrick and Dana spin the slot machine first, and get flat iron steak, potatoes, mushrooms, spinach and blue cheese, everyone yelling out the results like this is Family Feud.

Christina and Royce, in a rematch of the three-star challenge which haunts Royce to this day (which is a couple of days later, I think). He promises not to stop until she's crying, which I sadly think must be his dating philosophy too. They get: hanger steak, yams, eggplant, asparagus and crab.

Barbie and Bryan: New York strip, celery root, tomatoes, cauliflower and shrimp.

Tiffany and Justin: filet, beets, carrots, zucchini and chorizo. For Justin, these ingredients are further proof of the solely shitty luck he claims to have.

Robyn and Clemenza: rib eye, parsnips, sweet corn, broccoli and bacon. Clemenza figures this is very good, and announces he'd bathe himself in bacon if he could. Frankly, the only astonishing aspect of that sentiment is that I'd just assumed Clemenza was bathing himself in bacon.

But there's a catch for Kimmie: she's not spinning the slot, but she'll be cooking; she has to pick a teammate to go against, cook the same dish, and the team will decided which dish to serve for the competition. Ramsay's prepared to remind her of what each teammate is cooking, making it kinda funny when Kimmie immediately says, "Robyn." Robyn looks surprised, and not in a good way. "She could have chosen anyone, but she chooses her best friend. Now we have to go head-to-head against each other. Whatever, dude. What the fuck ever," says Robyn, whiny as ever.

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Hell's Kitchen

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