Hell's Kitchen
11 Chefs Compete, Part 2

Episode Report Card
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Burns, Baby, Burns

So where were we? "The women have just suffered a big casualty," says the narrator. Sizeist! Despite how much the rest of the team hates Kimmie -- because everyone hates everyone else -- no one wants to see her permanently injured, which is nice. And everyone's glad to see to see her come back, and not just because they don't want to be down a body in Red. Well, except for Robyn, who calls her a big baby. In a lot of cases, she is, but I think it's fair to cut her slack for, you know, SEVERE GREASE BURNS.

Anyway, remember that it's also kids' night, and while Child Protective Services should be running background checks on any parent bringing their kids here, it's cute to see the adorable moppets ordering from the kids' menu, and awaiting their complementary mini-pizza appetizer. They're entranced by Clemenza tossing the pizza dough, but the Red diners are awaiting slow-ass Tiffany, who can't really give a shit. Why? Because kids' don't know what fine dining is, so therefore their opinions don't matter. "I really don't like kids at all," she says. Which explains why she indefensibly, completely knowingly, serves up burnt crust. Ramsay yells at everyone to get together.

But it's not all bad news. Tiffany gets bonked in the back of the head by Robyn, using one of those forno oven pizza ... things, so that was nice. Barbie by this point is wondering why Tiffany is even a chef, because she doesn't seem to care. Barbie gets to work on getting out edible pizzas, which is a refreshing change from Tiffany's, "Ah, fuck it, they're kids" attitude. Of course, Tiffany is angered by Barbie's self-serving "people should be able to eat the food we serve" philosophy.

Meanwhile, Brian's working on appetizers, and speaking in Spanish. "I do a lot of voices all the time, and the guys love it," Brian explains. The guys all seem to be annoyed, especially Justin and Clemenza. We watch a talking-head in which Brian appears to be high and says, "I got blinis" and he licks his lips. This is as we watch him fuck them up, and try again, this time using an English accent, earning him a rebuke from Ramsay: "Try imitating being a fucking chef for two minutes." Ha! Cover your fucking ears, kids!

Chef Scott and and Ramsay finally beat the jokester out of Brian, and we check in on Red, where Tiffany, having done all she could to ruin pizza, is now doing her best to ruin the other appetizers. She's burning the blinis, and Dana points it out, and Tiffany says, "Who cares, Dana?" which is fairly inexcusable. Barbie says the only thing she's seen Barbie be passionate about is a cigarette.

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Hell's Kitchen




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