Hell's Kitchen
13 Chefs Compete Part 1 of 2

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | 2 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
No-Spice Girls

Jesus, get to the point. Ramsay's ramblings about food evolution (there are trends in food just as there are in fashion) leads to a parade of food trends, starting with a '50s housewife carrying a jiggly Jell-O mold, and Clemenza appears to want to have sex with her, but don't think the Jell-O didn't catch his eye too. She's also carrying a TV dinner, and Ramsay talks about how these were perfect for eating in front of the "telly," the adorable Brit, but they "tasted of crap."

We skip right over the '60s and land in the '70s with a fondue pot being carried by a hippie, but the kind of hippie who showers every day. She's carrying a fondue pot. Brian appears to want to have sex with her as well as the housewife.

On to the '90s (because the '80s didn't have anything but cocaine and Tab) and here comes some fashion magazine's idea of what one of those rebellious grunge rockers from the Northwest looked like. And what did Nirvana fans all love? Asian fusion, with its wasabi mashed potatoes and such. And who gets to express his desire to bang the heavily-made up grunge chick? Justin!

Ramsay dismisses the models and thanks them for their insight and all the chefs applaud like WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

Eventually, Ramsay comes to the food-as-fashion point. It's Fashion Week, and they're going to be designing a tasting menu for three fashion designers who will judge the challenge.

The designers? David Meister, Amanda Ché and Ina Soltani. Are these people actual things? You know, like fashion things? Clemenza is still horny after the housewife with the Jell-O mold and the TV dinner, and Ramsay has to tell him to stick his tongue back in his mouth.

Each team has to create an appetizer and two entrees: one seafood, one poultry. Meister says he loves swordfish and spicy food, and he wants something healthy. Soltani talks about colorful food, heavy on seasoning because her collection is inspired by the Mediterranean, or something. Ché says something about how she can't have anything unhealthy.

"Guys, we get it: You don't like to eat ever, and all you care about is your image," says Dana. Royce figures he has this wired because he's from Miami, so he knows ALL ABOUT fashion, plus he is Royce, and Royce is awesome at everything.

Their thirty minutes start now, but that's plenty of time to work out what they're cooking and for Brian to have enough time to tell a lobster that he loves it before dumping it in the pot.

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Hell's Kitchen

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