Hell's Kitchen

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Fire in the (A-)Hole

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 25 (8 in the first five minutes -- marvelous restraint on Ramsay's part, I must say)
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 54 (27 of which take place in the first five minutes, thanks to Joey Pottymouth ovah heah)

Previously: Shrimpstravaganza! The Red Team really sucks -- not helped at all by fat, lazy loudmouth Robert. God, I hate that guy. Also, Tenille sucks because she serves raw shrimp to pregnant ladies and therefore hates fetuses. The Blue Team really sucks, too, in some part because Van and Joseph have rage issues. Both teams failed and were asked to nominate two people for elimination. The Red Team nominated Lovely and Tenille. The Blue Team, under Joseph's sage guidance decided not to follow the rules. So it was less nomination and more Joseph throwing down his apron and inviting Ramsay to throw down. Dear Lord, these circus sideshow credits are stupid.

Back to the elimination: Ramsay asks Joseph to name the two contestants on the chopping block. Joseph shirks that responsibility, saying his nominated teammates can speak for themselves. This rankles Ramsay, so he calls Joseph a smartass and says he asked him the questions. Joseph names Tony and Andy straightaway, skipping the explanation. Ramsay calls him stupid and reiterates that he wants him to state the first nominee and why. Joseph again gives Ramsay a big ol' "eff you" by saying that he doesn't need to explain why because the men had a conversation and settled things among themselves. He's all "No peer pressure! We're men!" Ramsay snarls, "What do you want? A fucking medal?" And now's the time to sit back and watch a fireworks show! Ramsay gets in Joseph's face for mouthing off and orders him to follow the rules, dropping a shitstorm of swears and insults. Joseph goes absolutely nuts, saying, "I ain't no fuckin' bitch, Chef. I don't give a fuck. I ain't no bitch." Ramsay is baffled by this outburst, so Joseph repeats it to him, albeit even more grammatically incorrectly: "I'm not no bitch." So, just so we're clear here, Joseph. Are you or are you not a bitch?

Robert tries to assuage him, saying that Ramsay is only trying to bring the best out of him, and another contestant tells him to show some respect. He promptly tells her to shut her fucking mouth. Nice. Ramsay tries to get them back on task, but Joseph is well past the point of no return. He rips off his jacket and stomps up into Ramsay's face, so much so that a couple of bouncer types appear as if from nowhere to make sure Ol' Highlights doesn't get punched. Ramsay doesn't back down, though, laughing off the notion that he would be scared by Joseph's high school-level aggressive antics. Ramsay returns to the point that all he wanted was a simple question-answer format but Joseph couldn't even do that. Joseph tells Ramsay to go fuck himself several times, adding that Ramsay is a bitch. Ramsay firmly tells Joseph that he has no respect and to get out. It's actually the calmest I've even seen Ramsay. Joseph storms out of the room and into his exit interview, spewing a blue streak. The words "bitch" and "fuck" are prominently featured, in case you couldn't guess.

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Hell's Kitchen




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