Hell's Kitchen

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Can't Anyone Here Cook a Risotto?

I hate the official titles for these episodes. Who's going to be interested in "15 Chefs Compete"? No one, that's who. Tivo has another title for this one, which is even worse: "A chef argues with Ramsay." Feh.

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 55
Contestants' Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 50
Best Quote by Salvatore: "Chef, they going to think I'm a man-whore."

The chefs all trudge upstairs to talk about their experiences. The red team (that's the women, who lost last episode) is particularly glum. Autumn starts in on explaining what they need to do better, and it appears that her primary recommendation is "Do what Autumn says." Siobhan tells us that she won't put up with that. Fran tells Autumn she's not a team player. As you remember, Fran decided Autumn wasn't a team player at approximately the moment that Autumn nominated Fran for elimination. What a coincidence!

Over in the blue team's huddle, Andrew is talking about how he's not intimidated by Chef Ramsay. And he doesn't even think the food in Hell's Kitchen is that good. Meanwhile, everyone knows that Mikey (silly finhawk) is going to be one of the first to go once they lose. I'm glad to see that the men appear to understand that they only won on a technicality. The real winners last week were the few chefs that were allowed to stay in the kitchen and finish the dinner service.

Then everyone goes to sleep. And they're awoken at 5:00 AM by Sous Chefs Scott and Andi with an amplified alarm clock. I think there's a chance that they keep waking the chefs up in the middle of the night because Ramsay has jet lag from flying to Los Angeles, so he doesn't want anyone else to be able to sleep, either. Anyway! They line up in the dining room and receive their challenge.

The chefs will work in pairs, and each pair will cook eggs four ways: poached, soft-boiled, sunny-side-up, and scrambled. You're lucky they're not making deviled eggs, because I would go on a huge digression about how great my deviled egg recipe is. As it is, I'm keeping the digression reasonably short.

Because the women have an odd number, Siobhan will be working on her own. And they're off! They have five minutes. Wait, you can cook four different kinds of egg in five minutes? I must be amazingly inefficient. Autumn calls for Siobhan to come work with her and Fran. Autumn and Fran are working together? This is the worst feud ever.

There is a frenzy of cooking. Scott recommends that nobody burn themselves. Autumn makes some of Siobhan's eggs for her so she just has to do poached. Scott is a busybody and makes Salvatore cook his eggs longer.

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Hell's Kitchen

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