Hell's Kitchen
16 Chefs Compete

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

We pick up where we left off last night, with the contestants filing out of the kitchen, with the comments focusing on bitching from the men. Jonathon talks about how it was embarrassing that they lost, and says again how he's never had a late order because of a side dish. Will, meanwhile, says he's glad they lost, because this should be "wakeup call numero uno" (wakeup call numero dos will be along shortly). And there's Brendan, still going on about how intimidated Paul is by him. I can't help but notice that Brendan's acting awfully tough with the shortest male contestant.

Because Ramsay wants to remind us of what a sick, sadistic bastard he can be, he's arranged a 5:35 a.m. wakeup call. And not just any wakeup call, a little kid with an electric guitar and amps turned up to eleven. The kid strums mightily while the nightvision camera shows us the disconcerted contestants waking up in no small amount of fear, and I imagine they were all in the midst of nightmares of being eaten alive by undercooked (or burned) scallops.

They stagger into the kitchen to find young Hendrix, with Monterray expressing a desire to take the guitar and smash it, while Tommy -- who, after all, has "Rock N' Roll" tattooed on the hairline that he better hope he has until the day he dies -- shrugs and says he probably would have done the same thing. Because he can't stop rockin', that's why.

The contestants make their way outside, where Ramsay's waiting for them, and Jonathon is popping a boner over the fact that the women are in their short shorts and whatnot, which gave him a little extra spring in his step. I imagine that the women similarly will be checking out the men, although they've probably noticed at this point Jonathon's obvious on-again off-again relationship with a toothbrush.

Ramsay asks several of them how they slept, and Carrie can't resist the urge to flirt by coquettishly saying she always has sweet dreams, and Ramsay stops her dead in her horny tracks by saying that after last night's service he figured it was nightmares for everybody.

So that's why it's an early start for everybody, and they're getting back to basics with meat temperatures. They're going to be grilling four cuts of meat to certain specifications, in teams of two (Jonathon and Brendan exchange a surreptitious fist pound), although Will has to go it alone due to the odd number of men.

"I'm giving you all twenty minutes, starting now," says Ramsay, and the partners hustle out to prepare a medium-rare New York striploin, medium ribeye, medium-well filet, and a well-done burger. Elise and Carrie bicker. "The bitch won't let me do shit," Carrie tells us. They haven't even been going five minutes and they're at each other's throats.

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Hell's Kitchen




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