Hell's Kitchen
16 Chefs Compete

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Meanwhile, Jonathon and Brendan have fallen in love and are wildly gesticulating (Jonathon is possibly on meth) about how they just need a beer to go with the barbecue, and Brendan shares with us his stereotypical nonsense that the men will kick ass in the competition because men have been cooking meat over flame since the caveman days. And also they don't ask for directions, amirite?

After the time runs out, Ramsay's ready to inspect. Amanda and Krupa are up first. Their meats are absolutely perfect; four points for the women. "I would have kissed Amanda on the mouth of we hadn't all not brushed our teeth," Krupa tells us. Jonathon's probably good to go.

Jonathon and Brendan are up next. They fuck up the New York strip, but get the ribeye right, and the filet, but Ramsay refuses to cut up the burger due to the texture alone. "It's like one of those joke turds that you put on your granny's chair," he says. They have joke turds for that prank? No wonder my parents got so pissed at me that one time. Will's pretty unimpressed that those two ass-clowns call themselves professional chefs but can't cook meat. The score is four to two.

Now it's Elise and Carrie, who hopefully will be able to stop from grinding all up on Ramsay so he can judge their meat. New York strip is rare, not medium rare. Ribeye is medium rare, not medium. Filet is successfully medium well, but the burger is grey and dry. Carrie tells us that Elise cooked everything, while Elise tells us that Carrie should have helped more. "You should not be here if you can only temp one out of four pieces of meat," Natalie tells us. Chino and Adam Goldberg, I mean Tommy, get three out of four to tie things up.

Jamie and Natalie then get three out of four, and Paul and Monterray only get two out of four. The score is eight-seven, and now it's Jennifer, Gina and Elizabeth, all together on one team. If they get a perfect score, they clinch it.

New York strip is nicely medium rare. Ribeye is medium rare, not medium, and the filet is wrong too, but the burger is beautiful, so the women have a three-point lead. Will's last to go, and Brendan tells us it all comes down to whether he can get all four right. "And everybody was having problems with the burgers today," he says. That is not a thing that is true. What IS true is that Brendan and Jonathon got their burger wrong, and since he doesn't want to feel like he disgraced thousands of years of hack-comedian material going back to the caveman days, he pretends everyone had problems.

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Hell's Kitchen

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