Hell's Kitchen
16 Chefs Compete

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | Grade It Now!
Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

I guess the women are all required to drink this, instead of passing on lunch? Most of them hold their noses while doing it, while Elise snottily notes that Carrie doesn't seem to be having too much trouble. Carrie does seem to be handling it rather well. Elise wants us to know that this is likely due to the sheer numbers of men she believes Carrie has fellated. Fortunately, it's all done with innuendo, and no f-bombs that need to be bleeped!

Also fortunately, there are garbage bags around for the women to spit up into, and what a truly compelling evening of television we have going on right now, with women vomiting meat milkshakes into giant garbage bins.

Meanwhile, Ramsay's getting to know his BFFs, the men's team. He asks what Monterray's ambition is, and Monterray says he's doing this for his wife and six kids. SIX kids? Damn. Monterray could be back with the women, slurping down the beef slushies, and this would STILL be considered a vacation for him. Will talks about the way his father said every generation has to step up the family name, and he takes that very seriously. Will tells us that the time spent with Ramsay took him from bad-ass kitchen psychopath to normal human being. Yeah, well, don't get too comfortable, Will.

Brendan douchily talks about how accomplished his family is, what with the lawyers and the doctors and the Oscar winners and Nobel laureates, and how cooking is his thing, and we get a little time-lapse montage intercut with shots of all of the other men shaking their heads to make it look like Brendan has been bragging for about three hours. Although maybe he was, because in a talking head, Will does his impression of Brendan thusly: "'Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.' Shut up, dude."

Meanwhile, back at Hell's Kitchen, the women have all died of pulmonary embolisms, so, it looks like tonight's service will be a slam-dunk for the men -- no, wait, there they are. They're accepting delivery of a dead cow that they have to haul out from the back of the truck. "That cow was fucking heavy," says Elizabeth, which -- I mean, there's a reason a common insult for fat people is "cow," genius.

Jennifer has a cow's leg on her shoulder as they tote the thing into the kitchen, and she calls the whole thing a clusterfuck. But they're far from done; they still have to cut the carcass up. This involves women on tables and intensive sawing.

Mercifully, the time-lapse takes us right up until 8:22 p.m., and the women are in their colors and prepping for tomorrow night's service. They seem to have done some bonding of their own, and have also been studying their asses off, according to Krupa. As they peel potatoes and prep, they quiz each other on the menu. Even Elise seems to have dialed back the attitude, because she doesn't want to lose another challenge. "I don't feel like this will give us a disadvantage, because while the men are off drinking, they're not really thinking about game-time tomorrow," Elise tells us, while Elizabeth and her teammates tell each other that the men are being set up for failure.

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Hell's Kitchen




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